Dr. Joan Bushwell's Chimpanzee Refuge

Although the GraniteGrok.com crew was aware that I had no intention of calling into today’s edition of Meet the New Press, their putrescent weekly gabfest and de facto blog companion, I figured they wouldn’t be able to help mentioning the Chimp Refuge anyway. I listened to the podcast earlier tonight, and sure enough, the host, Doug Lambert, wasted little time fielding a call from Judy Paris so they could talk about what a badass she is.
He left out the fact that she is an emotionally driven, scatterbrained, cowardly, faith-choked hypocrite, probably because this — along with the Groksters’ neat evasion of specific indictments made against their claims here by myself and others — is essential to their foundering purposes.
I get that there are untold numbers of sloppy-minded people stumbling around America wearing vacant expressions and living mindless lives, but I have yet to figure out why so many of them are drawn with such zeal toward endeavors such as political punditry that only highlight their ugliest, most brazenly ignorant facets.

Doug calls Judy his program’s “go-to gal” regarding civil unions, which is like calling John Rocker an expert on the finer points of multiculturalism. “It is not a born that way,” Judy declares with regard to homosexuality, exhibiting orally the same profound, chittering inelegance that she so beautfully conveys in her Internet posts. She continues to refer to Douglas Abbott as a credible source despite what’s been posted here about both Abbott’s ineptitude and bias and Judy’s own exaggeration of his claims. Facts and wingnuts are not merely polar opposites; one simply cannot exist in the presence of the other.
Listen to these guys babble in high-pitched voices as they mock fellow Granite Stater Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop the history of the Episcopal Church. They describe him as “beyond openly gay” because he is “a homosexual activist,” a position they somehow reconcile with Robinson being “free to do what he wants.” Does this make Robinson worse than Cardinal Bernard Law, who never met a pederast priest he couldn’t hide and is now housed in the Vatican, out of the reach of U.S. prosecutors? How about the fine folks at Bob Jones “University,” who claim that the Pope himself (any of them) is the Antichrist? (Don’t rule it out.) How is it that these godders, any and all of them, can’t see that their problems are entirely internal and pointless? Yank the crosses out of your asses, throw ‘em in the shitter from whence they came, and all will be well. I swear!
I’m not morally offended by any of this so much struck by the fact that grownups can publicly, gleefully act this childish and expect to be taken seriously. These people aren’t shock-jocks; they purport to run a genuine political broadcast. But you can almost smell the fear they have of awakening at 3 a.m. to the sight of a pierced glans penis attached to some beaming, mulleted, well-oiled gyrating Chippendale being waggled playfully in their faces – or maybe it’s not fear at all. They’re primitive enough to emphasize several times that Nancy Pelosi is from San Francisco, since any good right-winger knows that the Bay Area is the center of commie-liberal hell on Earth. (I guess Skip must be inbred, being born in New Hampshire and unable to pronounce the letter “r.”)
They prate on about how church figures aren’t supposed to be divisive or put personal agendas in front of church interests, but ignore the ways in which traditional church machinations divide society as a whole and make every effort to drive it toward the Iron Age. Religious sects by their very nature are divisive, yet if someone acts internally in a way that causes disruptions, no matter how free of poor intentions he or she is, it’s unforgivable. I really don’t know that I’ve ever heard adults not trying to play the fool say things as piss-ignorant as this crew does.
I do like that they’re kind enough to quote my characterizations of them, beginning about six and a half minutes into the audio clip linked above. I assume they print these out, because there’s no way any of them are bright enough to remember more than two terms of non-endearment at once. Judy notes with barely concealed pride that I called her “a yammerhead,” “systematically lacking in cognitive candlepower,” and “a Bible-banging harpy.” These, folks, were not intended to be compliments.
While Judy and company have said some silly and erroneous things in their comments here, they have evinced none of the swaggering bullshit they do on their show. Now why might that be? Because cocoons are warm, safe places where the evil intellectuals can’t get at you with their big words and fancy explanations? Sure I could call in and say as much on air, but even were I to stick to calmly taking apart the scientific inaccuracies the “go-to gal” stands so firmly behind, I wouldn’t be given two continuous minutes, much less the five or ten it would take to thoroughly explain precisely how and why Judy is wrong (and that’s if we stick to just one of her her topics). This limitation isn’t Doug or Skip’s fault, but it precisely underscores why this medium and not the radio is the only place meaningful discussion could unfold. But for all their hollow-headedness, the Grokkies understand that meaningful discussion is tantamount to a painful thrashing of wingnut ideology. This is why they only mention the names I’ve called them and blissfully ignore the associated questions I asked.
It seems counterproductive on the surface for Doug et al. to constantly refer to blog featuring posts to which they are openly fearful to respond. However, because the Grokkers are both self-important and irrelevant, they adhere to the W.C. Fields school of publicity, meaning that they have to lap it up in whatever form it arrives. On top of that, they may well be too stupid to understand just how little substance they bring to the table, but I’m not sure about that; even the utterly flummoxed usually recognized when they don’t have an answer to something.
“We can battle it out on the Groks with those chimps,” they assert. This is another lie. This is exactly what they refuse to do. They say that the kindest thing I’ve called Judy is “anti gay jibber jabber from Granite Grok.” I think they’re mixing and matching here, but does it matter?
“We do these battles intellectually with pen and paper and keyboard,” Doug says. Bullshit, you pansy. You guys consistently slink away from every opportunity to defend your views in a neutral, open forum.
It’s a treat, though, to hear the people on and behind that show use phrases like “Anyone with half a brain knows…” I don’t think they understand how revealing they’re being when using such terms, because if anyone is al too familiar with what operating on 50% mental steam is all about, well…
On the whole, listening to this crap is clearly a waste of time, but if nothing else it reinforces the requisite insularity of ignorant bigots and underscores the reason Judy et al. are petrified to engage people besides themselves when it comes to their ideas about homosexuals, religion and so on. Doug and his fellow knee-walkers strive to convince themselves, perhaps with some success, that if something is on the radio, then it must be true even if practically no one is listening.
Oh, on that Ted Nugent thing: Just yesterday, Doug posted a video of Nugent ranting onstage, not with restraint, about what unsavory characters liberals are. This represents two-pronged hypocrisy on the Groksuckers’ part. For one thing, it’s a little strange that the same people who consistently complain about the profanity that appears here would rally behind someone whose argument consists of clever, family-friendly homilies such as “OBAMA IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND I TOLD HIM TO SUCK ON MY MACHINE GUN!” and “WHEN I WAS IN NEW YORK I SAID ‘HEY HILLARY, YOU MIGHT WANNA RIDE ONE OF THESE INTO THE SUNSET, YA WORTHLESS BITCH!’” For another, they tout Nugent’s notoriously vocal pro-gun stance as championing free speech, freedom and the American way, yet their whole concept of these entitlements disappears instantly when it comes to gay rights and other issues that have demonstrably less impact on others than, say, gun control, which impacts everyone.
Ted Nugent is an idiot, but I couldn’t care less what he says when he drags his musty, addled self up on stage. He’s an entertainer. Gay-bashers might consider implementing this “live and let live” approach to life, but they see more benefit in being intrusive assholes. At least Hugent speaks at a level they can understand. If any of them wind up trampled, shot, or incinerated in at a Motor City Motormouth show after some raging wit decides to set off a few M-80s or spray the crowd with a Tec-9 bought on the streets of Detroit, it would be a fitting demise, and one they could surely appreciate themselves.
Anyway, it’s clear that regardless of how many times I’ve called Judy names, I’ve been too nice to her. To put it as Doug himself would if so inclined, she’s a real fuckin’ Na’ampsha retahd.