Woe there, Gribbit!

As always, I can’t resist the combination of supreme confidence and spectacular ignorance. It’s what made NBC’s The Office — the central theme of which is Michael Scott’s unremitting self-delusion concerning his own capabilities and esteem — such a hit. And it’s what makes Gribbit, the rabidly anti-socialism blogger who lives on a government paycheck, such an enchanting wreck of a commentator. (Unlike Scott, Gribbit lacks the sort of nominal charm and that accompanies good-hearted cluelessness and guilelessness, and is merely a malignant asshole. (His attempts to keep people from cutting and pasting, or even linking to, his content are also a continued source of amusement.)

Gribbit is again playing the “you should have listened to me” game again with this incoherent rant about…well, Obama and stuff, which begins with this:

Before Obama was elected, many of us on the right tried to explain to all of you just exactly [sic] what would happen if he were [sic] elected. He was and what we warned of is coming true. The national debt has increase [sic] $4T in 2 1/2 years, unemployment is permenantly [sic] above 9% with potential to skyrocket like Obama said electricity rates would, the US has lost it’s [sic] AAA credit rating, and Obama can no longer escape responsibility. He said that if Congress pass [sic] his Porkulus package, unemployment wouldn’t go above 8% — he was wrong. He said that if Congress passed his healthcare package, we would all love it. We don’t. Spending is out of control and the nation is broke. No one is working and this moron is continuing his attacks on the segment of the population who [sic] both foot [sic] the largest tax burden and employs America.

Got that? No one is working and Obama claimed during his campaign that everyone would love healthcare reform. These are facts, dammit, and if you’d listened to Gribbit years ago you would have seen these things coming. But as usual it gets even better. Gribbit writes:

Democrats, thanks to all their tinkering in the mid-1980s, can point to low inflation numbers to combat the reality that everything has increased in price.

And a few paragraphs later:

The ultra left will continue to blame George W. Bush for America’s whoas

At this point I’m not sure what’s funnier, the unabashed hypocrisy or the whimsical substitution of a homophone for “woes.”

The rest of the post is a predictable medley of confusion, self-contradiction, absolutist bullshit and blind rage, but if you haven’t had your allotment of paternalistic chuckling as a result of reading what I’ve supplied, read the rest of the post or the more recent one about Rick Perry’s staggering fitness for the presidency.

  1. #1 by Warren (@waxis) on September 6, 2011 - 5:26 pm

    I think that first ‘were’ in Gribbit’s graf (the one you [sic]’ed) is correct usage in subjunctive mood.

    As for ‘America’s whoas’ – isn’t that how they pronounce it in Boston? ‘Gawdamn, these heah Asian women chawgin’ fie dollas foah a blowjob is a real t’ret to the income of America’s whoas!’

  2. #2 by kemibe on September 7, 2011 - 7:58 am

    “I think that first ‘were’ in Gribbit’s graf (the one you [sic]‘ed) is correct usage in subjunctive mood.”

    I couldn’t decide; I thought that because in the main clause he was speaking in the past tense, about an event with a known outcome (i.e., Obama was in fact elected), the subjunctive wasn’t correct and “was” would be right. I think this is one of those areas that grammarians love to quibble about anyway, so I should have left it alone. But seven or more other errors in a single paragraph weren’t enough for me.

    In Gribbit’s Rick Perry is The Shit post, he employs multiple spellings of the name of Herman Cain, the candidate he liked the most before Perry jumped in.

    Good point about Bostonese — I’ve lost some of my fluency in that dialect since moving away.

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