Archive for category Botanical Pornography

Walking through Mirkwood

A few of those Chimp Refuge readers who inexplicably followed the troop to this new already beshatted domain are not doubt familiar with J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, or There and Back Again, soon to be released as cinematic fan fiction under the guidance of Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy 1 and 2 — although I think Quentin Tarantino would have been the better choice for director) as The Hobbit Movie. Anyway, I live in Mirkwood or something that approximates it. Let’s compare:

More yammering and photos below the fold including flower porn

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Sarcasm useful in diagnosing dementia

Scientists at the University of New South Wales, which is right up there with Harvard and Oxford in terms of its renown as a research locus, have proposed that sarcasm may be useful in diagnosing certain types of dementia.

The researchers … say patients with frontotemporal dementia (FTD) or Pick’s disease, have trouble reading emotions and are often unable to sense when someone is being sarcastic.
Being unable to pick up when caregivers are angry, sad or depressed, can be upsetting for those involved and sometimes makes managing such patients a difficult task.
Even though FTD is the second most common form of dementia in younger people (i.e. under 65) it is often misdiagnosed as a personality disorder or sufferers are dismissed as strange, and often ostracised because FTD can lead to sexual disinhibition, rudeness and a lack of empathy.

Because we all know that only clinically demented people are overly horny or act like jerks.

The researchers devised a simple and non-invasive test where patients are merely asked: do you get the joke?

Yeah, that sounds conclusive, all right.

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Friday Flower Porn: The V-Word

Courtesy of S.T., intrepid Chimp Refuge photographer on assignment, I offer a cast member of the V Monologues for your consideration.
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Friday Flower Porn: More Purple Prose

Now what pollinator could resist this fine beard?
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The rest of the flower and a little Darwinism (of the Erasmus variety) follow.

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Dropsy, Digitalis and Darwin (Erasmus, that is)

So. It’s National Poetry Month. Type that key phrase into the “search” query field on the main page of SB, and you’ll find that April brings forth a veritable poetry slam among Science Bloggers. In this fine tradition, I will don my black trousers, turtleneck, jaunty (but dirty) beret, take a drag from my half-smoked Gauloise ciggie and go Boho here with a selection from the original Botanical Pornographer, Erasmus Darwin, Charles’ grandfather. Today, I have chosen his ode to digitalis. Cue bongo drums.

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Friday Flower Porn: The Movie

Cue boom-chukka-chukka soundtrack.
First, hat tip to loyal reader Suesquatch for calling my attention to the photos that have been making the rounds. In a vain attempt to find credits for the work, I stumbled across a video by LukaIsntLuka (that link is rated SI for extreme self-indulgence but with a certain appealing eccentric banality) on the ubiquitous YouTube.
The film is below the cut. I would say “not safe for work” but these are plants fer Chrissakes. Well, some are rocks, but there you go. The images are also subject to interpretation. For example, I’m not sure whether that’s a recumbent and erect eggplant with Peyronie’s disease or a vegetative caricature of Richard Nixon at rest.

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Friday Flower Porn: Sexing Up Plants with Erasmus Darwin

Finally, the much anticipated return of Friday Flower Porn! For you debauched botanical voyeurs, I have two offerings for you today: a purple posy and turgid Darwinian prose.

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Friday Flower Porn: Pump Kin!

Er, make that just pumpkin. This little critter was caught crimson fisted packing her saddle bags with pumpkin pollen recently. I wonder if they fly around looking for some nutmeg and cinnamon, too?
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In any case, in spite of the numerous pumpkin blossoms that have been produced in the garden over the past couple of months, not a single pumpkin has emerged. Of course, this particular pumpkin patch was a bit of a lark, coming from the seeds of last year’s jack-o-lantern. My guess is that this particular variety isn’t particularly fertile, in spite of the bee’s knees.
Note: This was originally posted by Jim, but due to a software error appeared well in advance of its scheduled appearance. Our apologies for the offense.

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Friday Flower Porn: Purple Gaping Maw

The deck plantings looked innocent enough. Trite flowers and greenery were stuffed into cheap plastic containers, crammed together like so many commuters in a suburban horticultural subway car. Those frilly purple dames though. If he could only get a closer gander at them. They were so coy. Were they as virtuous as they seemed? He buzzed in for a closer look.
Then it hit him. These were not chaste flowers. Not at all. These were turgid violet temptresses. He knew he was taking his chances. If he flew too close, he would be sucked into the gaping purple…gaaaah!
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I’m not sure of the genus & species of this plant, but close-up, it’s a little more exciting that at a distance.

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Friday Flower Porn: A Double-Headed…

coneflower Echinacea purpurea. Double your pleasure, double your fun; two heads, as they say, are better than one:
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Friday Flower Porn: Hot Brazilian ISO Samba Partners

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This spicy babe doesn’t need a thong to look good. The plant is colloquially known as Brazilian Jasmine and more formally as Mandevilla sanderi. Its original habitat was in the hills above Rio de Janeiro, but it no longer grows in a native state there. Here it struts its stuff to a bossa nova beat on my front stoop in Einsteinville.
The not so hirsute blossoms declined to comment on their preferred waxing procedures.

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Friday Flower Porn: Watch out for those pricks

This is an Echinopsis lageniformis cactus of the monstrose variety, a plant that flourishes in the high deserts of Bolivia. (“Lageniform” means “bottle-shaped” or “flask-shaped.”) Previously known as Trichocereus bridgesii, the cactus produces a number of psychoactive alkaloids, among them the celebrated hallucenogenic, mescaline.

The monstrose and cristate mutants of this species are reportedly much more slow-growing than their standard counterparts. For obvious reasons, we at the Refuge are not buying that one.

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Friday Flower Porn: Sweeeeet!

Today, small, simple, pale white, and dare I say it, almost virginal. But soon, red, swollen and sweet on the tongue.
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Yes, we’re talking Rosaceae fragaria, strawberries. This particular cultivar is an everbearing variety called Berry Basket. About a half dozen plants sit in two long window boxes on our elevated deck. The berries are fairly small but sweet. They’re no match for the Cabot and Cavendish June bearers in the garden, but then there’s nothing quite like a little late season fruit to perk you up.

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Friday Flower Porn: Sweeeeet!

Today, small, simple, pale white, and dare I say it, almost virginal. But soon, red, swollen and sweet on the tongue.
BerryBasket.jpg
Yes, we’re talking Rosaceae fragaria, strawberries. This particular cultivar is an everbearing variety called Berry Basket. About a half dozen plants sit in two long window boxes on our elevated deck. The berries are fairly small but sweet. They’re no match for the Cabot and Cavendish June bearers in the garden, but then there’s nothing quite like a little late season fruit to perk you up.

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Friday Flower Porn: Maybe a Doc Should Check Those Spots

The common foxglove Digitalis purpurea is certainly one to affect your heart. Literally.
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Foxglove is, of course, the source of the cardiac drug digitalin. Ingestion of foxglove can be fatal, so no munching, no matter how much you may be attracted to it. Symptoms may include nausea, hallucinations, and bradycardia (slowing of heart rate).
A much less toxic avenue to bradycardia (usually taken as a heart rate less than 60 bpm) is copious application of aeorbic exercise. Accompanying nausea is infrequent except at the end of particularly grueling races and any hallucinations tend to be pleasant.
This particular specimen inhabits our backyard with numerous brethren. We started several years ago with just a few plants and spread the resulting very tiny seeds about in following years. It now appears all over, sometimes popping up in spots I never expected. The originals were of the color shown above but subsequent offspring have ranged from near white to very deep purple-magenta. The flowers are covered with tiny hairs although they can only barely be seen in the photo (note the sun glint on the one in the lower left). The flower spikes routinely hit three feet in height and we have had some over five feet tall. For whatever reason, they seem to like it here and we’re happy to have them.

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Friday Flower Porn: Lily Fair

Lily fair, lily fair, around the house, everywhere! Yes, we’ve got all types: Oriental lilies , Tiger llilies, Daylilies, and the ever-so-shy but pungent Lily of the Valley.
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Interestingly, most of those mentioned above aren’t true lilies (the exception being the Asian or Oriental types). I can sort of understand the confusion with the Tiger and Daylily due to the blossom, but the the Lily of the Valley? If a true lily is a horse, a Tiger lily might be a zebra, but a Lily of the Valley would be a hyrax.
Not ones to “do it in the road”, these Lilies of the Valley like to cluster-flock by the side of our garage, in the shade of some very tall red maples.

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Friday Flower Porn: Metal Leaf

Today’s offering is a departure from the usual floral genitalia.
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I found this specimen at Marquand Park in Princeton. This park sports a variety of ornamental trees. I believe this is a leaf of Fagus sylvatica, the European beech, likely the atropunicea variety, the same species as the “copper beech” shown in todays Orgasmic sparklers and single cask malt Scotch entry. Carotenoids and anthocyanins contribute to the coloration.
The Wellesley College Web of Species has a good description of Fagus sylvatica.
Beeches of both European and American origin have smooth grey bark, and have provided a tempting canvas for graffiti for years. From the Wellesley site:

Because of its soft, smooth bark, the beech is intimately connected with the written (or carved) word. It is believed that the first Sanskrit characters were carved on the bark of Fagus sylvatica. In fact, our word ‘book’ comes from the Anglo-Saxon ‘boc’, meaning letter or character, which derives from ‘beece’, beech.

Even Virgil succumbed to carving beech bark:
“Or shall I rather the sad verse repeat
Which on the beech’s bark I lately writ?”
-Virgil, 70-19 B.C.E.

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Friday Flower Porn: Zip It Up, Buddy!

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What’s that hanging out of the Dutchman’s trousers?
A Dicentra spectabilis specimen displays its cash and prizes near the Princeton campus.

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Friday Flower Porn: Blue B*lls.

Aching, congested and heavy, but not a bee of relief in sight.
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Fortunately, there were no blue laws prohibiting this porn shoot near the Princeton campus.

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Friday Flower Porn: on hiatus

…until Movable Type will allow me to embed one of my own images, and that nasty Forbidden message stops taunting me.
Or I’ll take that as one more hint that this Friday feature’s entertainment value is minimal at best.

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