Archive for category Spankin' the Crank

Bitter know-nothings are fulfilling their obligation…

…to try to make the entire GOP look like a bunch of howling, ignorant screwballs.

In the course of looking for a detailed county-by-county election-results map, I happened across a blog called “Give Us Liberty 1776,” which is apparently a reference to the year in which a present-day country the blog creators know little about declared its independence from the British Empire.

The first post that caught my eye was titled “Obama did not win a single state that requires photo IDs to vote.” I didn’t have to read a single word of the post itself to formulate a response, but I did, and the level of dishonesty and ignorance in this surreal waste of time and effort is extreme even by the standards of a Wingnut Daily contributor.

I left a comment that most likely will not be approved by the mods. Here it is: Read the rest of this entry »

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Armstrong’s defenders: parallels with religious fervor

Unless you’ve been chained in a basement somewhere or in the throes of a drunken blackout, by now you’re aware that Lance Armstrong, seven-time Tour de France winner and the most decorated cyclist in history, has been banned for life from the sport by the U.S. Anti-Doping Association (USADA) as a consequence of the case the agency has been building against him for months, if not years. Armstrong is charged not only with cheating via chemical enhancement, but also with trafficking, possessing, and administering banned substances. USADA also stripped him of all of his TdF titles, though the body lacks the ultimate authority to do so — that will fall to the International Cycling Federation (UCI). For any one of a thousand similar breakings of the story on Thursday afternoon, try this one in the NY Times. Read the rest of this entry »

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A short quiz for the “milk is bad for you” crowd

A guy I hang around with is convinced that milk is about the worst thing a person can ingest, save for red meat, which he sees as a virtual guarantee of colon cancer (there is probably an association, but he takes the issue to an extreme). Of course, this same fellow is a “truther” (thinks the U.S. government was behind the 9/11 terror attacks) and has paranoid tendencies across the board. And when he says milk is bad, he’s not referring to the hormones people are concerned about; he means milk per se, at least cow’s milk and other milk derived from animals. Read the rest of this entry »


“Trust me — I have first-hand knowledge,” says serial liar

Whenever I develop an unhealthy desire to learn what Idiot America’s latest delusional belief system has bred, I check out Gribbit’s blog, since at all times he reliably has his clubbed and syndactylous fingers on the pulse of the feeble and fluttering heart of right-wing stupidity.

Gribbit’s posts invariably assume one of two forms. He either makes claims based on his skimming of either self-parodic “news” sources such as WorldNet Daily or mainstream articles he doesn’t understand (and often say the opposite of what he thinks they do) or he skips the sources part and flat-out makes shit up. His latest post is an example of the latter. Read the rest of this entry »

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Addendum to the Crossfit post: full article from

The other day I derided wrote about the Crossfit program that Brian Mackenzie is deluded into believing convinced will revolutionize training for distance runners. At the time, the full article in the June issue of Competitor was not available online, but it is now, in Competitor’s nifty digital format.

A couple of notes. One, Richard Gibbens (not Gibbons) is incorrectly identified in the article as an exercise scientist. He has a bachelor’s degree in exercise science, but that doesn’t make him a scientist, and this would hold true even if he were a bastion of sound analysis instead of a fifth-degree crank. If he’s an exercise scientist, then I’m a physicist, and anyone with a B.A. in psychology is a psychologist, and wouldn’t that be a colossal mess.

Two, and more importantly, it’s become clear to me that all of these guys pushing low-volume, high-intensity training for distance runners because they themselves became injured or otherwise wiped out by high-volume training have no idea how to train properly using high mileage. Mackenzie is very clearly an intense guy, as is Gibbens, a former Green Beret. I have no doubt that whatever mileage totals they reached in their previous lives included far too much work at the high end of the aerobic spectrum, and that they had no concept of how to properly execute recovery days. Had they gone about things the tried and true way, and maybe tried running more on grass and dirt and less on pavement, and learned that hammering away all the time is a bad idea, then they surely could have thrived on a greater overall workload. This is admittedly just a guess, but it’s not a blind one — I’ve seen their Type-A ilk in action and their ability to survive sane marathon training is limited by their personality traits unless they submit to being reined in regularly by a second set of eyes.


In which I present possibly the most worthless “article” about running on the Web

I admit that I only found this captivatingly inane treatise on the evils of “jogging” because I decided to choose the title “How Jogging Can Be Bad For You” from the LIVESTRONG pile just to practice writing from the standpoint of borderline intellectual dishonesty. (People on debate squads apparently engage in similar endeavors routinely.) For all I know, the “author,” Jonathan Wong, was doing the same thing when he wrote the piece, in which he gives three basic reasons that jogging “does people no good”: It doesn’t help you look good, doesn’t help you in the “game” of life, and isn’t that great for your health. Reading only these three section headings is enough to assure anyone not in the throes of heavy-metal poisoning, an ether binge or organic mental compromise that the “writer” is either piss-ignorant or gleefully dishonest. Given his lack of command of English (note that he manages to misuse both “it’s” and “its,” which is pathognomonic for spurious content), I reckon he’s just a twit.

Some excerpts: Read the rest of this entry »


Skateboarding powerlifter vs. Arthur Lydiard: not a fair fight

This morning I was sitting in the waiting room at the Boulder Center for Sports Medicine waiting to meet with one of the exercise physiologists on staff to gather information for an article I’m writing for Competitor Online about high-altitude endurance training. There was a print copy of the June issue handy, so I grabbed it and was immediately struck by the cover, which features the words “Run Less, Get Strong, Go Faster” alongside a photo of a grave-looking, heavily muscled guy who was apparently the mind behind this breakthrough. No longer quite as anxious to get into the performance lab, I flipped to the story, knowing I was about to be walloped with a load of bunk but curious as to whether it would be novel bunk. It wasn’t, but it pushed the limits of credulity all the same, at least as much on account of what it didn’t say as what it did. Read the rest of this entry »


Distance running makes you fat — a remarkable breakthrough in human physiology

Some chick found some blog by some guy who is apparently a fan of “manning up” through heavy lifting, and makes certain that visitors are aware of this by posting GIFs of flexed biceps and remarking on the utility of the purported testosterone-induced “swagger” of youth. (I’m surprised that the blog advertises only his training services and not a link to ExtenZe.) In his first blog post (he only started the thing last Thursday), he’s claiming that running long distances makes people fatter, in terms of the percentage of their body weight accounted for by fat, because it slows their metabolisms, reduces testosterone, and lowers muscle mass, mostly because of the effects of cortisol.

I posted a comment, but it is temporarily or maybe permanently in the moderation queue, so I will reproduce it here, with a few additions that occurred to me after I commented. (Please excuse my self-aggrandizing style; I was aiming for pompous on purpose.) Read the rest of this entry »

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Gribbit comes out of remission: “What the MSM won’t tell you” edition

I’m often reminded that picking on right-wingers, especially those like Gribbit whom even other idiots probably see as extremist, does little good. In return I like to point out that in this case it’s great fun because when you Google “Gribbit,” outside of the first few results there’s a lot more about him than by him, and letting the few people who will ever be curious about him and his history know just what an ignorant hypocrite he is seems only fair. After all, Gribbit thinks he’s doing the world a service with his factless, no-comments-allowed virtual shit-pit for trashing the very sorts of people that allow him to live as he does.

Gribbit, like all paranoid wingnuts, likes to point toward “shocking” stories that the MSM will never discuss or tell the truth about because doing so would expose its dishonest liberal agenda. His latest example is the finding that March 2011 was the coolest March worldwide in 17 years.

As it turns out, March 2011 was actually the coolest since 1999, not 1994. And last month was still the 39th-warmest March of the past 117. And of course, the ten warmest years on record (that is, since 1861) have all occurred since 1995. The following graphic is impossible to ignore — even if you’re a denialist who doesn’t think that the planet is warming in part owing to human industry, it’s impossible to pretend that it’s not warming, period.

Impossible to pretend, that is, unless you’re Gribbit, who writes: Read the rest of this entry »

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Reasons to love conspiracy theorists

Sometimes I wonder how conspiracy theorists got by in the pre-Internet age. This can be said of any group, large or small, without continual and untrammeled access to mass media (television or radio) 15 or 20 years ago and hankering to spread a unique or outlandish message. But conspiracy theorists are a special breed not only for the astounding reach of their complexly puzzling ideas, but also because of the sheer amount of material they produce. Their fingers are as tireless as their minds, and their writing often give the impression that they can somehow operate on planet Earth (at least physically) while enjoying 40-hour days. And nights.

So it is fair to assume that before the Internet became a nexus for anyone in possession of a concept or belief to meet like-minded souls and propagate their claims free of charge, unfettered by limitations of snail-mail, the FCC, and prevailing sanity, cranks were able to distribute only a tiny fraction of their ideas to one another. I imagine that in the main they were forced to stick to theories that were already popular in the mainstream and either not particularly far-fetched (aspects of the JFK assassination) or so nutty as to have fallen into the dustbin of ridicule long ago (moon landings as hoaxes, itself an idea typically borne of its raving, bedwetting stepfather, flat-earthism). Read the rest of this entry »

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More “wisdom” from the “pro-life” crowd

That title should really read More bullshit from the anti-abortion crowd, but I have good reason to lean toward one requiring quotation marks, as the “letter” I’m about to “discuss” includes a slew of “air quotes,” a favorite “weapon” among America’s more blinkered “observers.”

Next month, Coloradans will vote on Amendment 62, a “personhood” measure that would define a newly fertilized human ovum as a person with constitutionally protected rights and therefore render illegal not only abortion but in vitro fertilization, embryonic stem-cell research, and certain forms of contraception. Anti-choicers tried this same bullshit in 2008 and the measure failed by a 3 to 1 margin in a state that hardly classifies as blue. Amendment 62 is on a course to fail in a similar fashion (Denver Post editorial; “Life” “News”.com whine).

Naturally a lot of the semiliterates and scientific illiterates backing this “initiative” are dutifully dispatching their dyspeptic bullshit to Colorado newspapers. Yesterday’s Post included this triad of prevaricating ignoramuses. Here is the first in its native form: Read the rest of this entry »

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Gribbit lies, billions and billions served: CFLs and “Can’t touch this” edition

Gribbit the right-wing hypocrite may have reached cartoon-character status a long time ago, managing to out-dumb his even most whacked-out peers. If nothing else, though, he is at least reliable in that he continually exemplifies exactly what makes Tea Partiers and other decerebrate reactionaries–in particular those who are curiously enamored of heroically fact-free blogging–such a joke, albeit a sick one given what their numbers say about the mentality of the American citizenry.

Before I get into the main topic, I have to say that I got quite a laugh from seeing that Gribbit is using a plug-in called Blog Protector, which prevents surfers from using right-click and other means to highlight, copy and paste text from the Web page to their clipboards. That this is futile for all sorts of reasons is amusing in itself, but better still is the fact that I am quite certain that the correlation coefficient between “likelihood of using this plug-in” and “likelihood anyone would ever represent your shit as their own work” is very close to -0.9999997. Read the rest of this entry »


Gribbit is no longer clueless about everything under the sun and has begun contributing fact-filled, unimpeachable blog posts

Had you there, didn’t I? I hope not. No, Gribbit, whose blog I hadn’t looked at in many months until today, has not, in fact, become the first-ever victim of terminal right-wing delusional ignorance to make even a partial recovery, much less a complete one.

Buried in the spoiled colostrum of another anti-Obama screed is this wondrously clueless tidbit:

At this point, I’m going to divert from religion to eligibility to be President of the United States. Many who claim Obama is ineligible are attempting to make the case on the ambiguity surrounding the place of his birth. Because the matter of the location of his birth seems to be impossible to prove, I say we should concentrate on making the case based on what we know to be true.

A few things about this wreck of a set-up, leaving out how piss-poor a grasp of language Gribbit possesses despite attempting to use it to the tune of who knows how many hundreds of worthless words a week. First, the “ambiguity” Gribbit notes rests only in the tiny minds of his haters. The issue has been settled by anyone with a direct stake in it. Were there any substance to the rumors about Obama’s birth certificate from Hawaii being fake or insufficient, his political opponents–who possess far more resources to hunt down such things than do shut-in semi-literate bloggers–would have produced it by now. Even Ann Coulter, a longtime idol of Gribbit’s, agrees that “birthers” are out to lunch. Second, when “we” consists of these selfsame small-minded haters, they are in no position to judge what is and is not true. For the singular purpose of taking swings at the political left, they swallow the most outlandish rumors, credit garbage factories like WorldNet Daily with being reliable sources, and engage in furious exercises of hypocrisy so startling in their reach that it is a constant struggle to distinguish this corrupt but sincere nonsense from clever parody. They should say this paryer each morning: Dear God who hath rendered me Brain-Dead, please grant me the Wisdom to Remember Always that an Internet Connection and a Blog doth not giveth an Idiot a Reason to Opine.

Gribbit then lists his reasons for Obama’s alleged ineligibility. Read the rest of this entry »


Gribbit’s latest hilarity

In a post attempting to address the “ClimateGate” “scandal” that naturally turned out to be complete horseshit (and if you want a sound analysis of this, read this post on EnviroKnow and this one by Chis Mooney), Gribbit writes: Read the rest of this entry »

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“Clearly, outright denial of Satan and demons is not the answer”

Sure it is, if your faculties are intact. And of course it isn’t, if you’re a wacknut like those behind the creationist site Answers in Genesis, who have provided an early Hallowe’en trick and treat with their earnest essay explaining the “evidence” for the existence of demons.

The essay is as long-winded as it is loopy, so I won’t address much of the text itself. But the first paragraph signifies the worthlessness of the claims to come:

Haunted houses, ghosts, demons—our Western culture can’t seem to get enough of the spirit world. The latest Gallup poll indicates that 42% of Americans believe in demon possession, 37% believe in haunted houses, and 32% believe in ghosts. (Not just Americans are enthralled—40% of the British believe in haunted houses, too.) Read the rest of this entry »

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Gribbit is back, and he’s bringin’ the ‘tard

Gribbit recently took a hiatus from blogging on his own site because he was tired of being beset by facts and reasons from libtards, and spent a week lending his stupidity to the notably ramshackle locus for seething wingnuts that calls itself “Stop the ACLU” despite being neither willing nor able to accomplish that heroic goal. But Gribbit is back, and here’s how he concluded a recent post consisting mostly of a cut-and-pasted e-mail from his hero, U.S. Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio):

It must really suck for Congressional Democrats to know that the normally compliant main stream media is now turning its ire towards you. This same media which distorted the truth in order to get their guy elected President of the United States. This same media which refuses to leave Sarah Palin alone. This same media which has some Marxist Utopian fantasy about how Democrats view the world is now extremely skeptical of those same Democrats and their agenda.

The road to Utopia does not exists. And if it did, the Democrats aren’t on it. Just ask the common North Korean. – Gribbit

So in other words, the “main stream media” is, like, totally biased, and through chicanery even got Obama elected despite the real will of the majority of American voters. But despite this unwavering bias, the media is now refusing to unconditionally cheerlead Democratric machinations, which has never happened before. I mean, the media completely ignored the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, to the point that I have never even heard of a blue dress or a cigar inserted in some intern’s whatzit. And the media has no interest in what Nancy Pelosi knew about waterboarding during Bush’s first term, which is really fucking strange because I keep seeing talk of this on TV. And poor Sarah Palin, who wants no part of the spotlight and has never wanted anything but to be left alone to do her job (when she has one).

But it’s good to know that the road to Utopia does not exists. This make me happys. Because it’s would be a toll road and all of this moneys would just goes to Democrat to feed medias biases anyways.


A tribute to an inflammatory wackaloon

PZ Myers wrote a post last Sunday about a column by Charlotte Allen, whose column “Atheists: No God, no reason, just whining” recently appeared in the L.A. Times. Allen, in a brilliantly uncreative fashion, singled out PZ as well as the usual cadre of overly vocal atheist authors (Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, etc.) for her ham-handed version of ridicule.
The column was difficult to take seriously, obvious foray into pot-stirring that it was. Nevertheless, she makes excellent fodder for my newest time-wasting habit.


“The descendants of slaves are better off today because their ancestors were slaves”

Not only should American blacks not receive reparations, but they should be grateful that their descendants were slaves, because Africa is a hellhole. Seriously.

For the sake of argument we will assume all blacks here are descendants of slaves. That means Barack Obama, a black man, holds the highest job in the land. His brother lives in poverty in Africa and his Aunt is an illegal immigrant from Africa. Would Obama have been better off if his lineage had stayed in Africa? The US would be better off but would Obama?
The same is true for ALL blacks living here. Even the poorest of the poor have it better than the people living in Africa. Those in Africa are in absolute poverty with kids dying of malnutrition, people dying of AIDS and malaria and on top of that they have to worry about fighting among tribes. Where in America does anyone, black or otherwise, have it that bad?

Classic wingnut behavior: Cite what you think is the worst of what a place you’ve never actually seen has to offer, then claim that no one here has it that bad–ergo, a neat moral justification for slavery. That is just some dangerous stupidity. The sad aspect is that Big Dog believes he is being perfectly logical. Stupid people are wont to engage in such chicanery.



I’m a regular reader of Thinking Meat, a blog titled in honor of a short sci-fi story by Terry Bisson. The blogger who maintains the page has an almost heroic ability to suffer far-right nutbags, fools, hypocrites, and douchenozzles. Every time I think I’m going well out of my way to tear into a moron, I see that meatbrain is doing yeoman work, often taking on a half-dozen whack jobs at once.
One of his favorite targets is “Cao,” who’s never met a lie she doesn’t like. Cao is typical of hypercon, anti-intellectual bloggers in that she insists on a deploying farcical bad-ass mascot, in her case the much more respectable Sarah Connor (old-school version) from the Terminator franchise. This is so common as to be a nutter standard; Gribbit has his mentally challenged bulldog with shades, while “Big Dog” has his, well, dog thing. Then there are the people who insist on reminding visitors in a half-dozen ways that they are, in fact, right-wingers, as if the American flag splash wasn’t a dead giveway, and as if the nonsense gun-freak prose wasn’t an immediate tip-off. One can only assume such types are using literal cartoon characters in order to compensate for lives that aren’t exactly what these bloggers hoped for.
Also, it seems that only winger bloggers are compelled to include disclaimers of any sort–e.g., “If you don’t like this place, kiss my ass.” It’s as if they understand at some dim level not only that they offend people, but that they are not at all clever in so doing and are only using the blunt force of noise to reach their ends. They may even know how utterly stupid they are in some cases, although I suppose that sort of insight is a contradiction.
Anyway, Cao, in her endless (and anonymous) quest to “out” meatbrain, decided she would take a screen shot of a Chimp Refuge post to which meatbrain commented. It’s not difficult to determine that the blogger is in no way identifying himself, or being identifed, as the writer Terry Bisson. Nevertheless, Cao, being a wingnut and therefore unable to tell the truth, insists that meatbrain claimed to be Bisson. meatbrain blogged about this, and the posts he links to on Cao’s site offer an interesting case study in flagrant self-important wingstress dishonesty.
I’m really not sure hy Cao such a difficult time distinguishing between “inspired by” and “is.” Our blog was inspired in part by primatology, but that doesn’t mean my name is actually Joan Bushwell. I’m pretty sure none of my co-bloggers go by that name either. Usually.


When low-wattage ideologues retort

Gribbit hates it when I call him on his lies and errors, which has led him to do everything possible to not even know when I’m doing it. Typical of nutjobs, he’s banned my IP address (not even a small inconvenience) and tried to disallow hotlinking from this domain to his (ditto). But because no one–present sad company excluded–pays him any attention, he can’t resist the urge to call me out when he thinks he has me and the anti-wingnut world on the whole over a barrel, so he’s come up with another bad interpretation of an already slipshod FOX News article about Antarctic ice levels.

I’ve been saying it for years … Undoubtedly that imbecile Kevin the Chimp or Kemibe or whatever he wishes to call himself this week will again leave a message for me on Twitter and the #TCOT

Blogging tip: When you’re Gribbit, don’t use yourself as a source.
Undoubtedly I spend precious little time on Twitter (Facebook is enough of a time sink) and I have no idea what #TCOT is, but Gribbit never lets such considerations stop him. I will, however, write a post about him. In terms of his yen for being punished, the guy is like a starving man chowing down on Ex-Lax, and now he’s not even pretending otherwise.
No kidding he’s been saying the same thing for years. He’s also been relying on “news” and inspiration from WorldNut Daily, Michele Malkin, and Ann Coulter for years. He’s been living off the government teat, sitting at home and blogging about the evils of taxation and socialism, also for years. What Gribbit spews continually is not a mystery.
Of course, when you read the article he links to, you see that it doesn’t express what Gribbit claims it does, biased though it is. Gribbit’s post is a direct result of reading headlines of stories and, at most, one paragraph of those stories, and then letting fly with feral-grunt posts that render him a laughingstock, inasmuch as anyone notices.

The results of ice-core drilling and sea ice monitoring indicate there is no large-scale melting of ice over most of Antarctica, although experts are concerned at ice losses on the continent’s western coast … ice is melting in parts of west Antarctica. The destabilization of the Wilkins ice shelf generated international headlines this month.

Then there are alternatives to FOX News, not that this wild concept resonates in dipshittian circles.

Australian Antarctic Division ice expert Dr Tony Worby says there’s been a very significant decrease in sea ice and a net loss in shelf ice in Antarctica.
Sea ice is different from shelf ice on the continent, and its melting does not affect sea levels.
Fresh research from the British Antarctic Survey says Antarctica’s sea ice surface area – not volume – is increasing, in parts.

From Reuters:

The U.N. Climate Panel says seas could rise by 18-59 cms (7-24 inches) by 2100, without taking account the possible acceleration of a melt of ice sheets in Antarctica or Greenland.
Even a small thaw of Antarctica and Greenland would affect sea levels since together they lock up enough ice to raise sea levels by about 65 meters (215 feet) if they all melted.
Following are responses to questions from Reuters by a leading glaciologist as part of an ad-hoc global series of top climate change scientists, policy makers and academics.
Ian Allison is leader of the Australian Antarctic Division’s Ice, Ocean, Atmosphere and Climate program and a researcher within the Antarctic Climate and Ecosystems Cooperative Research Center.
He has been involved in Antarctic science for over 40 years.
“I think it is now unequivocal that warming of the world is occurring and I think the last IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) conclusively showed that a major cause of warming is greenhouse gas emissions from mankind.

Teaching point, Grib: This is what people mean when they say climate change. It’s not a cop-out substitute for global warming. I know this is difficult for parochial-minded rage-a-holics to understand, but the temperature of the planet does not have to rise uniformly in every region of the earth in order for net warming to occur. The extent to which human activity has engendered this is an open scientific question. Idiots who have never seen the inside of a college science course slamming the door on the idea merely because they hate Al Gore and Negro presidents is not.
Of note is that Gribbit constantly wails about the bias and untrustworthiness of the International Panel on Climate Change and other scientists who present data opposing his position, yet has no problem accepting at face value claims made by similarly experienced and credentialed scientists that (he thinks) support his preconceived, solid conclusions. This is a cardinal sign of ignorance and ideological commitment, not that Grib hasn’t displayed this in IMAX brilliance a hundred times already.
Wingnuts as a group have no problem maligning scientists the 95 percent of the time science lays waste to their foolish ideas, while quoting the the other 5 percent. Gribbit, like his equally blinkered peers at shitblogs such as Stop the ACLU and elsewhere, is as dishonest as he is stupid, although I really wouldn’t want to have a horse in that race.



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