A funeral procession on angel dust

OR: Predictable fallout from the election of Barack Hussein Obama to the Office of the President of the United States of America.
Certain things in the cacophanous concerto of life can stupefy the hardiest of observers while at the same time affirming their blandest expectations. When this occurs, it is incumbent upon the observer to Spread the Word, for good or ill.
I write now of the frenetic and unrelentingly bitter response of that portion of the blogosphere that wanders through life as if just having been stung in the ass by hornets and smashed over the head with a mattock at the same time. For whatever reason, these people tend to blame liberals for everything, so right now they are Mad as Hell and not going to take it. Except that they have no choice.
I am going to reproduce for you below a fantastically artless, clawing-at-cystic-backne “essay” in its entirety to save you the trouble of a click. But when you are finished, I encourage you to visit the site in question and check out the complete body of work this spry-minded fellow has produced since November 5, 2008.
The composition below the fold appears to have been written by 1) a fifteen-year-old in the throes of his first serious case of blue balls, 2) an ether-soaked Palin family genius with a slight speech impediment, or 3) an ambitious script from the late 1990s with a middling learning curve. In truth, I believe it was crafted by a chimera of all three, with mustard gas added to taste.

The Election The Media Won
in: Abortion, Barack Hussein Obama, Communism, Election 2008, News, Opinion, Presidential Politics, Stupidity, socialism
The 2008 Presidential Election is going to go down in history as the election that was decided by the Main Stream Media and you lemmings fell for it. Republicans as a Party allowed the New York Times to select our Nominee. McCain was dead before the Times endorsed him in the Primary. CNN threw softballs to McCain before he became the apparent nominee. In the end, his friends in the press played pit bull on McCain and attacked him. Shortly after securing the necessary delegates to win the Nomination, the same New York Times attacked the very candidate they endorsed.
Barry Obama’s path to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue was paved with the dead bodies of aborted babies and heralded by the Main Stream Media which did nothing but cover-up and make excuses for Barry and his ultra liberal (and even terrorist) buddies.
The electorate of this nation has shown with this election that they haven’t the capacity to learn from our own history. There was another young man who ran for the Presidency and won without defining himself. He too was elected on the heels of an unpopular Republican President. That President went on to be THE most ineffective chief executive in our nation’s history. Under Jimmy Carter’s watch the unemployment rate skyrocketed to double digits, interest rates were in excess of 20%, and inflation was also in double digits. Jimmy too got himself elected without definition. A ‘Change’ candidate from the ‘corruption’ of an unpopular President Nixon.
When you fail to define your candidate before electing him to a position of power, you are playing with some dangerous elements. In Germany there once was a very charismatic character who ran for Chancellor based on ‘Change’. Germany too was in dire economic straights due to its loss in the first world war. Adolf Hitler led Germany out of its economic woes but at what cost? Over 100 million dead.
Instead of Jews Barry Obama blames unborn babies and they are his target for extermination. Barry will be in a position to appoint 2 replacements for the very liberal Ruthy Ginsburg and John Paul Stevens – who has one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel).
So America, during the next 4 years as jobs are eliminated due to Barry’s aggressive tax plan and interest rates begin to climb to combat inflation, and the cost of living rises as a result of the rise in taxes Barry is seeking to pay for his massive social experiment, as health care in this country goes the way of the British and Canadian systems where you have to wait 6 – 12 months to have a medical procedure, remember one important thing. YOU ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN.
You people disgust me. Because you could have prevented the screwing that we are all about to receive. But instead you allowed yourself to be influenced by Chrissy Matthews and his tingly feeling up his legs. You spineless lemmings allowed your guilt for America’s past influence your vote and voted for a man’s skin color in spite of his lack of character. America, you truly deserve what we are about to receive.

So Obama, friend of terrorists and eager supporter of flat-out infanticide, is going to take the rock-solid, booming economy with its sinking interest, unemployment, and inflation rates he inherited from GWB and the Gang and blow it clean apart. And it’s all because the media provided him with a clean seven million more votes than the beleaguered McCain could garner. I don’t know whether the rage outstrips the bizarro-world nature of this feral bitchburst or if the reverse is true, but it is not important.
If you trouble yourself to sift through what this bloggeur has belched from his keyboard since that day–and it appears that from November 5 onward, he’s done nothing but sit in front of his computer and blast forth screeds borne of primitive fury and delusional ideas, never a safe combination–you’ll see that he’s seized on the objectivist philosopher Ann Coulter’s recommendation to treat Obama, the Democrat, with exactly the same amount of respect with which Dems treated Bush, the Republican, for the last eight years.
Forget the horribly transparent equivocation and Bush’s actual record. Here we see how Yosemite Sam-style conservatives operate. They’re not even going to give the incoming president a chance to fuck up. They’re not going to humble themselves and put principles ahead of personalities, and behave like decent Americans who support their leader until he demonstrates that he cannot in fact lead. They’re not going to curb their partisan bitterness for a split split second. And they are certainly not going to even try to think, possibly for much the same reason I am not going to show up at the NFL combine next spring.
But they are going to rage. For the next four years, no matter what happens, these duly trained three-legged hairy circus freaks are going to see the ill in everything. It’s their curse just as surely as it is their only visible talent.
It’s an imperfect world and I’m a glowingly imperfect part of it. But I am certainly glad I don’t have to be that kind of American.

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  1. #1 by phisrow on November 14, 2008 - 11:35 pm

    Wow. Just Wow. I must have missed the part of Obama’s speech where he described the fetuses as our misfortune. Just another MSM cover-up, I guess.
    What I find really odd about the hardcore conspiracy set is how they crawl out of the woodwork in response to the tenuous stuff “Oh yeah, y’know who else was popular and good at public speaking? Hitler!” but they are oddly silent on the much better conspiracy fodder that actually occurs. We actually have an undisclosed number of secret extraconstitutional torture dungeons, to which the president claims the power to be able to send anybody, just because, and the best these guys can do is vacillate on whether Obama is a Marxist, a Nazi, or a terrorist Arab. Unimpressive.

  2. #2 by Matthew Platte on November 15, 2008 - 12:00 am

    Well silly me, I read/skimmed thru the entire wretched thing before checking (not clicking, though) the link to see that it’s just Gribbit, again. You wouldn’t expect anything different from him would you?

  3. #3 by Will TS on November 15, 2008 - 12:46 am

    I’m glad to see you back at the refuge, Kevin.

  4. #4 by llewelly on November 15, 2008 - 1:53 am

    hilarious.

  5. #5 by Kevin Beck on November 15, 2008 - 2:25 am

    Elsewhere, Gribbit labels Obama (whom he calls “Barry O” and, with even more wicked wit, “Obamabamadingdong”) a socialist. He’s repeatedly brought up Jeremiah Wright. So Obama is evidently in the thrall of both crazed Christians and mad Muslims while holding to socialist principles and actively seeking to abort as many foetuses as he can. That’s right, we’ve got our first pro-choice socialist Christian Islamofascist sighting!
    This waterhead–and there are many, many Americans as stupid as he is, although most do not blog–simply does not care that his insults are blindingly incoherent; all that matters is flinging them out there gibbon-like.
    I think the worst aspect of Gribbit’s blather isn’t its uncanny ignorance, but the fact that the fucker cannot complete a sentence with resorting to at least two extremely hackneyed insults. He doesn’t know that if he wants his euphemisms, slangy neologisms, and portmanteaus to be effective, he needs to use them sparingly. Fuckin’ Gribtard has all of the subtlety of a Bushie Neocon fundie wingnut beating the dickens and the daylight out of a moonbat defeatocrat. Avoid cliches like the plague! pwned!!!

  6. #6 by ckm on November 15, 2008 - 3:32 am

    Heh, great stuff as usual. Please stay around, Kevin.
    I feel sorry for Mr Obama – it’ll be a difficult time. But hell, a Chicago political alumni. With Rahm to assist. Cool.
    What part of ‘lost the election’ do these fucking morons not understand?

  7. #7 by Yagotta B. Kidding on November 15, 2008 - 8:05 am

    What part of ‘lost the election’ do these fucking morons not understand?

    Has anyone done a correlation analysis on “rejection of this election’s outcome” with “you lost, he has a Mandate” in the previous two?
    I must say, it’s … interesting listening to the cow-orkers discussing plans to buy up all the guns and ammo they can before January, when the Secret Police will be coming around to confiscate them all. And these are all university graduates. There must be whole towns in some areas arming themselves to the teeth.

  8. #8 by SDC on November 15, 2008 - 10:25 am

    Well, it certainly is worrisome that conservatives would choose to treat Obama the way liberals treated Bush (taking impeachment off the table and stuff), as opposed to, say, the way conservatives treated Clinton (accusing him of murdering everybody who got in his way, expending vast financial and intellectual resources toward the aim of getting him thrown out of office, in the end giving us a lot of Jay Leno jokes and a somewhat amusing if prurient little piece of smut called the Starr(two r’s or one? I’m too lazy to Google) Report).
    Oh my goodness. Tough times ahead indeed!

  9. #9 by Bill from Dover on November 15, 2008 - 12:07 pm

    America, you truly deserve what we are about to receive

    through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

  10. #10 by Bill from Dover on November 15, 2008 - 12:30 pm

    To douchebag, or not to doucehbag?

  11. #11 by Andrew on November 17, 2008 - 5:03 am

    So, just to be clear, the wise mind you have referenced is suggesting killed babies to be an ideal source of raw material for fixing up the Us transport infrastructure?
    Righto. I suppose it is a renewable resource.

  12. #12 by Kevin Beck on November 17, 2008 - 9:57 am

    Andrew:
    Shut the fuck up or else we’ll be bombing the UK any day now. You guys have been riding our ass and trying to get us to talk funny for 250 years, after we finally kicked you out of here and made you get your own island. Christ.

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