I love the smell of crank in the morning

Oh, man. I really do.
Many of you have heard about the arrest of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, taken into custody by the FBI for allegedly rigging up a “pay-to-play” scheme as a means of putting Barack Obama’s vacated U.S. Senate seat into the hands of the highest bidder. Well, as if the wingaloons hadn’t already invented enough material for themselves through which to paint the President-Elect as a terrorist, a socialist, a Nazi, and an all-around talking virus programmed by various forces of evil to take down not only the West but all of God’s kingdom, they’re now scrambling like rats to connect Obama to the plot to replace himself as well as link him to every act of corruption that has gone on in Chicago since Obama first lay eyes on the place.

This post is instructive in that one can actually follow a nutter’s train of thought from start to finish while being able to spot the howling errors in reasoning at each step. In a post forebodingly titled “Chicago Politics And the Man With the Middle Name Hussein,” my favorite angry pseudoconservative (when people’s basic ability to assimilate facts lies below a given level, I can’t grant them “conservative” or “liberal” status; they’re just noise, so they get the “pseudo” prefix) has attempted to marshal damning evidence linking Obama to all manner of Chicagoland malfeasance. His sources? A pair of articles in WorldNut Daily and some links to Fox “News” reports. In a way it’s all quite airtght.
So much for dark fantasyland. As for Obama’s real-life relationship with Blagojevich,the two men have been anything but close for years. And while it’s possible–especially in the minds of those operating efficiently in a parallel lib-dystopia universe–that Obama’s calls for the governor to resign are just smoke, what motive would Obama possibly have for being involved in something like this? A kickback? He needs money all of a sudden? And he’d really rather go to jail than be president?
One naturally asks: If Obama has been so deeply sunk into so many of Chicago’s shady dealings over the years, why did it take the arrest of Blagojevich to clue the wingaloons in? And why did the feds never catch on? They were obviously watching the governor’s office.
Have no fear–Gribbit supplies a heady answer: “Keep in mind that anything in Illinois politics that gets done does so at the will of the Mayor of Chicago. It is just the way that it is. If the Mayor doesn’t want it, it doesn’t happen … [all Chicago politicans are] on the take, they are all looking for more power, and they all answer to a boss, Richard M. Daley.”
Glad we got that solved, but I’m curious about something else. Gribbit asserts that Obama has “still not adequately explained his connection with William Ayers.” Remember, Ayers is the crazy Christian preacher from Obama’s younger days [ED: Not true, but that’s OK!]. Yet we’re supposed to make an obvious inference at every turn from the fact that Obama’s middle name is Hussein. So which is it? Muslim sympathizer or over-the-top Christian? Where oh where is the cognitive dissonance with these people?
I have to give Gribbit credit for one thing. He’s no a liar. He believes each and every morsel of craze that blasts out of his beleaguered head in all directions. When I reflect on the times I’ve been at my angriest, I think that I could have been convinced of just about anything concerning the people or agents that pissed me off. Gribbit, sadly, is a 168-hour-a-week rage factory, and thus incapable of coherent analysis. I can tell from his writing that he’s not nearly as stupid as some of the people spouting the same stuff her does.
In any event, he saves his best for last:

[L]et’s not forget Mrs. Clinton when we talk of Chicago corruption, she was born there. She may be the Junior Senator from New York, the former First Lady of Arkansas, but she was born in Chicago, IL. Don’t think for a moment that this fact has escaped the notice of the machine and it’s most visible member – Barack Hussein Obama.

That’s right. Never mind that greater Chicago is home to some nine million people. It can’t be a coincidence that Hillary (always best of friends with Obama) was born there. Wheels within wheels, my good people.
Actually, it might be a fun exercise for each of us to do this with our own hometowns. Let’s see: David Souter went to Concord High. Christa McAuliffe taught at Concord High. No one really knows why the Challenger shuttle blew up. Obviously Souter (who pretended to be a conservative but has proven a vexing libtwat) arranged for the disaster because he has been on the take ever since his confirmation, with Russian shadow figures having ensured that all SCOTUS cases involving the space program favoring the opposition. Granted, NASA and the Supreme Court are not well acquainted. Yet. But Souter has the rest of the court in the palm of his hand now. It’s all about the money with these activist judges.

  1. #1 by Sigmund on December 11, 2008 - 3:12 pm

    “Remember, Ayers is the crazy Christian preacher from Obama’s younger days”
    Are you sure about that?

  2. #2 by OmegaMom on December 11, 2008 - 3:14 pm

    Um; actually, Bill Ayers was the former Weather Underground guy that was the basis for Palin’s “pals around with terrorists” meme. The preacher is Wright, I believe.
    Anyway, the dude should actually read the full 76 pages of the criminal complaint; it’s obvious that Obama wouldn’t play and Blagojevich was absolutely furious about it.

  3. #3 by Kevin Beck on December 11, 2008 - 3:27 pm

    You know, by the time I caught that ridiculous mistake and was diving back in to remove the entire offending paragraph, you two had left comment bombs. So now I’m stuck with it. Mea fucking culpa. I sware I know the difference, and if it’s worth anything, the G-Man has groused about Obama’s association with the Rev. Wright before, although that became old news for people on both sides what seems like ages ago.
    So I’ll eat this one. If I were Gribbit you’d both be banned, your comments would be history, and my post would hold no evidence of having been saddled with goofiness.

  4. #4 by BikeMonkey on December 11, 2008 - 4:06 pm

    obviously the smoking gun points from one Kevin Beck, my friend! The spider in the web of Concordian intrigue…
    (dude, check your junked comment filter)

  5. #5 by rBST on December 11, 2008 - 4:47 pm

    We’re going to have to spoonfeed you to the baby Jesus for that mistake.

  6. #6 by Warren on December 11, 2008 - 4:59 pm

    [L]et’s not forget Mrs. Clinton when we talk of Chicago corruption, she was born there.
    She’s also a Scorpio. [Cue ominous music]

  7. #7 by Bill from Dover on December 13, 2008 - 6:10 pm

    It is just the way that it is

    What more proof do ya need?

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