Paranoid, stupid, or just amazingly unfunny? YOU decide!

And now comes another aggrieved soul on the righteous side of the War on ChristmasTM, this one dubbed “Wiggins” and posting on behalf of that bastion of purposeless protestations, Wiggins is upset that a youth choir group was not permitted to sing its carols at the Corringham Winter Festival in England (where the American Civil Liberties Union is notoriously influential) because organizers judged the selections to be overly religious.
This is indeed stupid. These kids practiced for six weeks to sing Christmas Carols at a “winter festival.” Whether or not the festival was intended to be Christmas-themed or not shouldn’t matter; there was music and dancing aplenty, and no right-thinking person, no matter how little use he might have for the LORD, would be offended by listening to these children strut their stuff. Unless they really sucked.
Yet one wonders why people go looking for trouble when they could safely ignore such isolated events. With all of their supposed love of the Christmas season, you would think that people like Wiggins would be focused on making the most out of their own Christmas experience–church services, family gatherings, egg nog, presents under a spectacularly decorated tree, theme music; it’s available to all–rather than look all the way across the Atlantic Ocean for evidence of anti-Christian malfeasance. But this is a war, after all, and Wiggins knows just how it’s going to play out:

After Christ has been hollowed out of Christmas, moonbats will move on to other holidays. In the USA, we can expect to have the Thanks taken out of Thanksgiving, since there is no one to be thankful to, unless you’re politically incorrect enough to believe in God. Presidents Day will be renamed Barack Obama Day, because it would be insensitive to honor dead white men. All that red, white, and blue jingoism will have to be purged from the Fourth of July, but we’ll still have the barbeques, so long as they’re vegetarian — unless of course barbeques are found to cause global warming.

I’m quite certain that Wiggins was quite proud of his own cleverness here. He hit all of the major holidays, and tied each into a boilerplate wingnut complaint! The Obama-dead white men reference stood out for its uniquely and boldly racist charm.
I never knew that all of those soulless bastards trying to keep everyone from even thinking about Jesus Christ were anti-American, Caucasian-hating, Pilgrim-phobic vegetarians. I was thinking that all of that stuff was kind of a non sequitur, an excuse to rant about the usual bullshit, but I guess I’m not as facile at perceiving just where this war is going to take America as I thought I was.
Wiggins’ observations about the choir-group smackdown were trivially accurate, but he obliterated any chance of being taken seriously with his subsequent editorializing. And that’s pretty much how rolls.

  1. #1 by John McKay on December 13, 2008 - 12:18 am

    How could he have left out gays and feminists? Hasn’t he heard about our plans to change Mother’s Day into Abortion Day and to replace Father’s Day with Same-Sex Partner Day?

  2. #2 by Rhapsody on December 13, 2008 - 3:41 am

    Moonbattyness is his, he has no business whatsoever with his big mouth to comment on the decisions of a UK festival – a country he is no citizen of – mind your own business pal. As long if you cannot stand or deal with us Europeans commenting on your weird (almost non Christian) standards, you should keep your nose or deranged judgment calls to yourself. Its getting rather tiresome that we have to stick with comments from snotty folks like, but oh hell no if we do the same in return. Happy Yuletide mr Wiggins!

  3. #3 by NJ on December 13, 2008 - 9:25 am

    His first name is Ralph, right?

  4. #4 by hopper3011 on December 13, 2008 - 9:26 am

    Not unsurprisingly, there is a bit more to the story than the indignant Wiggins (and most the British tabs) appears to have let on.
    The choir wasn’t banned, barred or told they couldn’t sing – they were simply told that the carols they had chosen weren’t suitable for the theme of the Festival – if they had been told in time they could have rehearsed other songs and appeared at the Festival. The apparent source of the “too Christian” reason for the change appears to be “a parent” who modestly declined to be named.
    To understand the importance of this modesty you should realise that Corringham is in South Essex – a heavily BNP-leaning area. The BNP is an overtly racist political party, they would get a lot of mileage in the heartland of their support from any inkling of a “pandering to the darkies” reason for the choirs’ absence.
    Besides, if the Festival organisers were really going for a completely non-religious theme, wouldn’t they have done away with the ST LUKE’s Hospice Tree of Lights?

  5. #5 by Kevin Beck on December 13, 2008 - 12:31 pm

    Thanks, Hopper, this blog is (fortunately) bookmarked by a surprising number UK readers and I knew someone would have some additional insight.
    NJ: It took me a few seconds to figure out that you’re thinking of the police chief on The Simpsons. His surname is actually Wiggum.

%d bloggers like this: