Yule get a kick out of this (concluding the 2008 War on Christmas)

This standard-issue complaint about atheists, Darwinist ideologues, enablers of Islam, socialists, communists, Nazis, “educationists” (don’t ask me), and secularists that was posted on Townhall.com early this morning is credited to (or blamed on) a woman named Mary Grabar, but in fact appears to have been hastily assembled by numerous people. For example, early on, Mary writes, “A group called Freedom From Religion began in the state of Washington, where they posted their anti-Christmas sign next to a manger display in the Capitol.” But a mere few sentences later, she informs us of a group called “the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF)” which “aims its legal and propaganda guns at Christianity.” Is it fair to assume these two named terrorist organizations/hate groups are in fact one in the same?
It doesn’t get any more coherent after that, but it does become more entertaining. For instance:

For the seventh anniversary of 9/11, FFRF placed an ad in the New York Times with the Twin Towers skyline, headlined “Imagine a World Free From Religion.” They warned, “American liberty is menaced not only by religious terrorism from abroad. Consider the growing threat of religious fanaticism here at home: The relentless war against secular values, gay rights, abortion rights, stem cell research and the teaching of evolution in public schools.” No mention was made of “the growing threat” of Islam, like separate Islamic public schools and various efforts to teach Islam in schools.

It’s not clear why Mary put “the growing threat” in quotes; she apparently forgot that scare quotes are what you put around words the other guy said, not your own. Regardless, in grousing that no mention was made of the dangers of Islam, she makes it plain that she failed to comprehend a sentence she quoted hereself–the one that reads, “American liberty is menaced not only by religious terrorism from abroad.”
She goes on to bellyache that the FRF/FRFF “goes after Christians who object to the teaching of an atheistic Darwinian doctrine to the exclusion of other scientific theories like intelligent design” (there are enough errors and absurdities in that one passage for a separate post), says that anyone who notes that Christmas was a co-opting of Saturnalia is trying to wipe out Christianity, denies that Nazism had any ties to Christianity, offers implausible apologetic concerning Old Testament barbarism, complains that the public schools don’t offer an accurate rendering of the ancient practice of child sacrifice, and finshes with the usual flourish, which can be paraphrased as “WHY DON’T YOU GO AFTER THE MUSLIMS INSTEAD, BITCH?”
Mary’s mini bio states that she earned a Ph.D. in English from the University of Georgia. This strains credulity more than any other academic title I have ever seen attached to a human being. Either someone got into the eggnog before this shitstream was published to the Web or something’s hokey about Mary’s degree.
I didn’t get far into the comments before I had to stop. If Mary is artless, her supporters are vivid arguments for putting Haldol in the public water supply of every major and minor metropolitan area in the United States and Canada. I had a low-key but enjoyable Christmas today, and probably should have used the holiday as a reason to avoid reminding myself of how many hellishly stupid people live in North America. As great as it is that Bush is leaving office and taking his greasy cavaclade of Bible-pounding, dissembling fuckups with him, the fact that a science-happy and ethnically heterogeneous liberal will take his place means that the stupid people are only going to scream louder. Their tantrums can put any toddler’s to shame, especially considering that grownups are expected to know better.
Sometimes these screeds come from people who exaggerate for effect, while others are penned in total sincerity. Michael Egnor is a good example of an ID creationist who makes it plain that he knows he’s lying and is flogging the issue for all he’s worth; our Mary here, however, is a pitiable lost lamb, having obviously swallowed, gagged on, and projectile-vomited more wingnut-flavored holiday punch and chunks of bullshit masquerading as brownies than any ignorant harpy deserves to be fed in a lifetime, much less a single Christmas season.

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  1. #1 by J-Dog on December 26, 2008 - 10:34 am

    …our Mary here, however, is a pitiable lost lamb, having obviously swallowed, gagged on, and projectile-vomited more wingnut-flavored holiday punch and chunks of bullshit masquerading as brownies than any ignorant harpy deserves to be fed in a lifetime…
    Me Likey…this is wedll meant and BEAUTIFULLY said! Have a good after teh Holidays.

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