If evolution were real, Rush Limbaugh would have been inevitable

Jim marvels at the obnoxiousness of popular commentator Rush Limbaugh’s logically indefensible observation that he wants Obama’s policies and presidency to fail, yet hopes for the U.S. to succeed, which is akin to rooting for football and praying for a hurricane to smash into West Florida on Sunday.
Yes, this is breathtakingly stupid, hypocritical, and cynical, which is why it jibes perfectly with the qualities that have made Limbaugh popular and led a nation of bitter halfwits to believe that this bellowing pile of opioid-soaked triglycerides is not only entertaining, but an oracle.
That an unapologetic, personal-grudge-based rooting for the country to implode from someone with millions of regular listeners does not immediately render its originator a target of bipartisan scorn is exactly why I bother with brain-damaged assholes like Gribbit, the troupe of determined liars at Stop the ACLU, and other hapless and paranoid shitbirds whose chief unifying characteristic–other than lying, gullibility, hypocrisy, Bible-whacking, and inability or unwillingness to acknowledge their own rip-roaring factual errors–is an insistence on using some sort of cartoon bad-ass or other armed and dangerous fictional being as a blog mascot.


Yes, these people are generally anonymous cowards interested only in making noise, in working out the resentment over their beshitted lives by blindly channeling blame in the direction of Other: People of different racial backgrounds, gays, college graduates, people who read for comprehension, those with no reliance on supernatural precepts, city and coastal dwellers, those with science backgrounds, people who prefer peaceful solutions to killing and favor restrictions on personal thermonuclear arsenals–every one of these is an easy target for a semiliterate clown whose accountability is limited to the pimply ass stuck in the chair in front of his or her own computer. But these people are everywhere.
So it seems crazy that someone rooting against the country because he doesn’t like the president is widely respected? Just look at Gribbit’s latest outbursts.
Here he brags about the ratings of Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity compared to someone he consistently calls “Olberdouce” (if anyone should know how to spell “douche” it’s Gribbit) and another person he refers to as “Chrissy Matthews.” You want irony? How about a sentence that starts with this:

What gets me is that libtards loath Fox calling it faux.

You want numbers that matter, Gribbit? Try these:

Obama 69,456,897 (365)
McCain 59,934,786 (173)

Oh, that’s right–that result is nothing but ACORN rallying people from the ‘hood who were too ignorant to vote and the liberal media (which, as Gribbit just gloated, is ignored in this country) stealing the vote in advance. Silly me! Maybe I’ll start rotting in front of the tube and yankin’ it to the novel, fair, and penetrating insights of Billo et al. myself, since it seems to be a prescription for a wonderfully self-deluded existence.
Then there’s this bit of brilliance about the Blagojevich circus, which ends with the usual hilariously trying-to-be-somber anti-flourish:

But what else do you expect from a corrupt Democrat? They make it necessary to remove them. Forget their leaving on their own. Need proof? I give you William Jefferson.

Who? Oh, that’s right–the president who immediately followed George Herbert Walker and took office four years after Ronald Wilson left. That’s Gribbit, being sly and always keeping himself one step ahead!
Finally, there’s this, Gribbit’s three thousandth or so complaint about idiots who treat global warming as a legitimate issue. First he throws in an irrelevant but amusing observation:

Some of us believe that there is something greater than ourselves that promises a life beyond that which we currently know. Those of us who do, live a much happier life. Those of you who don’t, live life in misery in the knowledge that your time is limited. So to the atheists who troll my blog I say – enjoy your misery.

So I won’t get to spend eternity in the corner of Heaven reserved for mentally challenged homophobes and racists? What a bummer. But Gribbit’s “point” is even better: He labels Al Gore’s observation that he doesn’t know when humankind will end as an admission that he is clueless about climate science. Got that? Can’t say when Earth will be a furnace and extinguish life –> climate change is a myth. Gribbit also touts the “650 dissenting climate scientists” meme that comes straight from the ass of James Inhofe, although Gribbit, unlike Inhofe, no doubt believes that the claim is legitimate.
These are people who constantly deride Obama because of his for fucksake name, yet overlook the fact that Limbaugh is a misogynistic narcotics addict who would probably have spent time in prison were it not for the side of his bank account. Not only is it not surprising that Limbaugh is a hero to so many people in a country where WorldNet Daily and Sarah Palin are seen as font of intrepidity and intellect, it’s a given. I strongly suggest kicking these clods of animated shit yelling about “POTUS Obama/Soetoro/Obama” around while they’re down just to see what kind of nastiness spills onto the Internets as a result, because crap that sure ain’t going away might as well be used as a cheap source of entertainment.

Advertisements
  1. #1 by Rose Colored Glasses on January 30, 2009 - 2:53 pm

    I recently saw a YouTube video that had Limbaugh explaining his scheme, and why he neither interviews anyone nor raises any questions. His figures that any position he could take will get about half the audience agreeing with him and the other half disagreeing. The trick is for him to pick a position and argue it with great confidence, which will inspire those who agree with him and will make him their champion, while it will horrify those who disagree and make him seem a monster. Either way, he gets motivated callers which makes for great entertainment. This is why he’s rich: he’s as much an actor as Steven Colbert, but avoids letting the audience know he’s just stirring up trouble to make money for himself. He’s scamming ALL his listeners, his dittoheads, and his critics.

  2. #2 by Jason on January 30, 2009 - 3:11 pm

    I think he meant this William Jefferson, which is probably a valid point.

  3. #3 by Kevin Beck on January 30, 2009 - 3:28 pm

    Good point–I admit that I had all but forgotten about Bill Jefferson. I figured that with Blago having been impeached, Gribbit was most likely bitching about another Democrat who had undergone the same process (Clinton). The Louisiana rep, hilariously, was re-elected in 2006 even after the feds had gathered the goods on him and he was never “removed by force”–he was finally defeated by voters in November.
    The whole idea that only politicians on one side of the aisle behave in predictably shady ways is a joke. We’re lucky to find many with “unimpeachable” integrity no matter what they call themselves. I don’t gloat when Republican senators or reps wind up in scandals, I laugh when any of them do.

  4. #4 by Kevin Beck on January 30, 2009 - 3:28 pm

    Good point–I admit that I had all but forgotten about Bill Jefferson. I figured that with Blago having been impeached, Gribbit was most likely bitching about another Democrat who had undergone the same process (Clinton). The Louisiana rep, hilariously, was re-elected in 2006 even after the feds had gathered the goods on him and he was never “removed by force”–he was finally defeated by voters in November.
    The whole idea that only politicians on one side of the aisle behave in predictably shady ways is a joke. We’re lucky to find many with “unimpeachable” integrity no matter what they call themselves. I don’t gloat when Republican senators or reps wind up in scandals, I laugh when any of them do.

  5. #5 by iRobot on January 31, 2009 - 7:11 am

    both dems and repubs can get into scandal, its what you do after that. Does the law go after them and then they are never heard from again (Jefferson) or are they pardoned or just ignore subpoenas and keep on acting like they are legit like the bush administration?
    I saw a bumper sticker that said the constitution ended on Jan 20th, 2009. What a bunch of idiots! They smiled while W crapped on the constitution, then when Obama is legitimately elected they get their panties in a not. No supreme court needed to stop the vote counting in this election!

  6. #6 by mandrake on January 31, 2009 - 12:18 pm

    As someone who grew up in Louisiana, I should explain that we don’t elect people to govern us; we elect them to entertain us.

%d bloggers like this: