Posting to wingnut blogs: A step-by-step guide for the lazy, the irate, and the dishonest

The process goes like this:
1. Seat pimply ass before computer, brow furrowed in anger and mind jittering in confusion.
2. Load one from among of a trove of bookmarked news sites and blogs: Michelle Malkin, Fox News, and WorldNut Daily are favorites.
3. Scan article to the best of limited reading ability. No more than 30 seconds should be spent on this, and it is vital that all sourced items not be investigated or vetted for accuracy. Period.
4. Using the copy and paste function, transfer a key paragraph or two to own nascent post, inserting additional spelling and grammar errors as desired.
5. Create link to article accompanied by garbled paragraph containing references to the evil Left, and various mistruths, hypocrisies, and distortions. Make sure that claim bears as little relationship to reality as possible.
6. Generate post title that is not merely hyperbole or incendiary wordplay, but an utter lie.
7. Be, at best, dimly aware of own attitude and behavior.
8. Delete all dissenting input and ban dissenters outright if possible.
9. Transmit lies memetically through sizable wingnut community.
10. Repeat several times daily.
Here’s a great example. Gribbit, ever watchful of things to lie about, has generated a post called “Boxer: The UN knows better than you how to raise your child.” You’ll note after a look at the article Gribbit links to that Barbara Boxer, a Democratic U.S. senator from California, has claimed nothing of the sort, so right away Gribbit’s off to a great start.
Reaching ever further into his own ass, Gribbit produces this gem of an opener:

California Senator Barbara Boxer is hoping that the current Democrat majority with White House backing from the Obamaramadingdong Infestation will ratify a treaty designed to remove parental rights and erode US sovereignty to the Useless Nations.

Notice that the treaty in question–ratified already by 193 nations and rejected only by the U.S. and Somalia–is not “designed to remove parental rights.” The opening paragraph of the Fox News article calls it a “measure meant to expand the rights of children.” Not even the most generous interpretation allows for Gribbit’s claim.
The UNCRC is also not designed to “erode U.S. sovereignty to the [United Nations].” Gribbit has used “erode” as a synonym for “cede” here, so he’s done well with the abuses of English so far. The article actually calls Boxer’s aim “a move critics are calling a gross assault on parental rights that could rob the U.S. of sovereignty.” See the difference? “Critics are calling” doesn’t mean fuck-all. Critics are also calling evolution a hoax. Critics are constantly criticizing. This kind of language is a not-so-subtle means of credibly staking out an extreme positon, but Gribbit is far too stupid to get this.
Next:

Isn’t it bad enough that liberals believe that the state has a better claim on raising your child than you do now the ultra liberal Boxer wants to circumvent even the US government’s claim on your kids and give that authority to the UN?!?

This is almost artfully bad: a question without the question mark that stampedes into the next intended sentence, a complaint about liberals, a nonexistent position attributed to liberals, and a woeful misunderstanding of–and a lie about–the simple matter under discussion in the Fox News story.
Per Fox:

The U.N. itself admits that there is no way for it to enforce its own laws and protect children.
“When it comes to signatories who violate the convention and/or its optional protocols — there is no means to oblige states to fulfill their legal obligations,” said Giorgia Passarelli, a spokeswoman for the U.N. High Commission on Human Rights, which oversees the child-rights body.

Yet already we’re to believe that, with Boxer’s help, the U.N. wants to seize control of your kids! It’s very easy to stay enraged when your every thought is bullshit of this caliber. And in Gribbit’s defense, he would have actually needed to read the whole article in order to see this part.
Then there’s this:

Especially when the UN doesn’t exactly have the best record when it comes to dealing with children.

Gribbit then links to a London Times story from 2004 describing sexual misconduct among U.N. workers in war-torn Congo. What he’s explaining here is that such accounts are representative of the United Nations as a whole–just as, one assumes, this kind of thing (and many, many others like it) is representative of U.S. military personnel, all of whom share a primary mission of raping Japanese girls. By the same token, NBA centers make it their aim in life to father as many out-of-wedlock children as possible, with their exploits on the hardwood a distant second.
Gribbit’s finishing flourish:

The UN empowered these men to go into that country under the guise of keeping the peace but what do they do with their time instead? Rape children and make pornographic videos of the acts.
It seems to me that we need to return the job of parenting back to the parents. We should not be subverting that authority to the states, to the federal government, and certainly not the Useless Nations.

Perfect. We have the nonsensical phrase “subverting that authority to the states” along with the assertion that parents no longer have the job of parenting, plus an allusion to a government conspiracy.
By the way, I’m banned from Gribbit’s site, so I was only able to access the post through libtard mental magic.
What worthless shit this guy’s writing is. And he’s far from alone. No one tell them, though–if they ever learn to, you know, “get it,” I’ll need alternative ways of wasting whole afternoons.

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  1. #1 by Jim Fiore on March 5, 2009 - 4:52 pm

    inserting additional spelling and grammar errors as desired
    Really, it is pretty much their version of a spice rack, isn’t it?

  2. #2 by Will TS on March 5, 2009 - 5:27 pm

    Not only are you banned from Gribbit’s site, so is anybody that uses the link in your post. You have to go the long way. I can only hope that I am now permanently banned.

  3. #3 by Kevin Beck on March 5, 2009 - 5:35 pm

    That’s hilarious. Gribbit used to allow comments, but would delete those from people who disagreed with him and then ban them. Then he got rid of allowing comments, period, but still banned people who he knew were mocking him on their own blogs. Now he won’t allow links from blogs like this. Basically, he doesn’t even want “libtards” to even see what he’s producing, because he knows he’ll eventually see criticism of him, so he’s effectively tried to ban himself from the Chimp Refuge.
    Like many of those nuts Gribbit just wants to rage away like an infant in a vacuum and maintain the illusion that people aren’t demolishing his arguments and deriding him. Yet he can’t help but shout his stupidity to the world. He’s incapable of admitting his mistakes, and since he makes tons of them every time he writes another shitpost, he’d simply rather not even know about them.

  4. #4 by mgordon on March 5, 2009 - 6:14 pm

    Gribbit really must have hated the Terri Schiavo debacle. Oh wait.

  5. #5 by mgordon on March 5, 2009 - 6:14 pm

    Gribbit really must have hated the Terri Schiavo debacle. Oh wait.

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