As Carl Hiaasen reports, Florida legislators are reintroducing a 2006 bill that would make bestilaity a third-degree felony, punishable by a $5,000 fine and up to five years in prison.
The cry for justice first arose from the small Panhandle community of Mossy Head, where in 2006 a 48-year-old man was suspected of abducting a neighbor family’s pet goat and accidentally strangling it with its collar during a sex act.
I wish I were making this up, but the story is true. The poor goat’s name was Meg.tors have re-introduced a bill drafted a couple of years ago that would make bestiality a third-degree felony, punishable by up to five years in prison and a $5,000 fine.
It’s hardly draconian to have laws on the books keeping people from screwing animals; the consequences can, after all, obviously be fatal and constitute cruelty in any case. But this sort of thing emphasizes how lovably clueless some elected officials can be in Florida.
[T]he discussion among lawmakers of this rather delicate topic already has provided a few uncomfortable moments.
As [state senator Nan] Rich’s bill was being amended to make sure that some common animal-husbandry practices were exempt, Sen. Larcenia Bullard of Miami spoke up in puzzlement.
”People are taking these animals as their husbands? What’s husbandry?” she inquired.
The committee chairman, Sen. Charlie Dean of Citrus County, patiently explained that animal husbandry was a term used for the rearing and care of domestic animals.
Still, Bullard appeared confused.
”So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?” she asked, an apparent reference to the recent incident in which a pet chimpanzee was shot by Connecticut police after it went berserk and mauled a visitor.
And from the “only in Florida” department:
As fervently as we might hope otherwise, the goat-sex attack in Mossy Head wasn’t an isolated incident. Rich says other disturbing acts against animals have been reported throughout the state, including the molestation of a horse in the Keys and of a seeing-eye dog in Tallahassee.
The latter case involved a 29-year-old blind man who four years ago was charged with ”breach of the peace” after admitting to police that he had sex on numerous occasions with a yellow Labrador named Lucky, his guide dog.
Lucky, my ass.