Not sure why this occurs to me now. Maybe because of a manuscript I’m reading.
I was relatively well-behaved as a high-school kid…well, not. I tried to stay sober my whole senior year, because I had gotten in some trouble as a sophomore. But my friends wouldn’t have it. The day before I ran my fastest time for two miles, I was smoking hash out of an aluminum beer can, inhaling who knows what shit. Then I matched it at the New Englands after being utterly plastered the whole day before, “working” on my friend John’s snowmobile.
When I was in college, I would take stolen Desoxyn (methamphetamine) and other diet drugs like phendimetrazine (Bontril, almost worse than meth) to do all-nighters, sometimes two-nighters. Once I was up for at least two and a half days straight and took maybe one piss the whole time. Kids always had parents with medicine cabinets. I would also do “whippets” (sniffing nitrous oxide) and get others to join in the fun. I dropped acid, ate mushrooms, blew bongs. I was getting a 4.0 as a varsity athlete and being the worst, worst ringleader imaginable. I sort of fucked up the whole UVM track team, and I was miserable. I was not a charming character on these nights, I’m sure, especially while hiding behind various appliances because I was tripping and refused to come out, or too drunk to stand up. I just always had to feel different.
I did what I did to get by. I have some stuff in my background, and I became a high-achieving degenerate. I’ve struggled with alcohol issues since I was in college. It took me out of Bishop Brady coaching, ensured I wouldn’t finish medical school, destroyed relationships with multiple girlfriends, and unquestionably kept me out of the Olympic Marathon Trials. All I can do now is look back and be grateful to be alive and have people who care.
DON’T ACT LIKE I DID. It doesn’t turn out pretty. Don’t get fucked up on drugs and alcohol. Talk to your friends,they’ll be there–and look inside for the real