Why Independence Day is the archetypal American holiday

The general idea is this: First, get so liquored up you’re walking on your knees in your backyard and seeing triple. Next, attempt to operate a gas grill. Finally, start playing with explosives. Make sure your kids bear witness to all of this.

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  1. #1 by Bill from Dover on July 8, 2009 - 11:31 pm

    Don’t forget to light the explosives while holding aforementioned in one’s hand and casually flicking them to safety before the fuse meets the business end. The less time expired from the flick to the KA-BOOM, the better. Oh, and don’t overcook the dogs.

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