Twitter from the shitter?

Thanks to my Facebook friend and Dublin-based running ally Gráinne, I discovered a disturbing new way in which Twitter further invades people’s lives, if they want it:

…a WiFi Body Scale has hit the market, and it’s designed to auto-tweet your every weigh-in along with the number of pounds you need to gain or lose to reach your goal.

Wonderful. I reckon that the only people who would dig such a thing are either those who will eventually cut themselves up with razor blades or jump from the tops of skyscrapers, or people like this, who both validate and indict the very existence of YouTube at the same time.

Maybe someone can produce a wireless device that one can affix to the rim of a toilet bowl, so that every time a Twitter member takes a leak or a dump, all of his or her followers will know (and it wouldn’t be hard to design a device capable of differentiating between #1 and #2). Better yet, how about a vibrator add-on that auto-tweets its presence every time the thing is powered up? Easy enough to do, technologically speaking. And maybe such a device should auto-tweet on vibrator shut-down, just so that followers can gain some sense of how the session went without being told outright.

Perhaps someone will invent a wireless Twitter-happy mini-anenometer that I can stick in the crack of my ass so that every time I produce a burst of flatulence, everyone depraved enough can appreciate the eruption in Twitter. There’s a certain kind of sesame ginger sauce I like that would virtually guarantee me bringing the whole domain to a halt if I were to use such a device, at least on a few days a week.

Anyway.

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  1. #1 by SurgicalSteel on November 11, 2009 - 4:33 pm

    Hey, that mini-anemometer would come in super useful in my job. If I had a nickel for every little old lady who answered the all-important surgical question ‘Have you passed gas today?’ with ‘I don’t know, honey,’ I’d be a wealthy woman. That anemometer would take some of the guesswork out of figuring out when bowel function’s returned. ;)

  2. #2 by Jim Fiore on November 11, 2009 - 7:45 pm

    As I said from the beginning, all you really need to know about Twitter is the first four letters. Sometimes I think I want to start a competing network and call it Dolter.

  3. #3 by Sven on November 12, 2009 - 12:07 pm

    The past tense of twit is twat, right?

  4. #4 by kemibe on November 12, 2009 - 12:12 pm

    Since the past tense of shit is shat, I can’t deny any and all parallels.

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