AFA finds a new reason to whinny and snort

I’m signed up, through no fault of my own, to receive e-mail updates from several of the most malignantly stupid religious sites in the world. Among them is the AFA, which allegedly stands for American Family Association, although I have other ideas. These tight-lipped, puckered-assed, miserable muck-a-mucks are constantly bitching about the amount of filth in American culture today, particularly on the airwaves. They routinely issue “action alerts” in which they implore devoted readers to send them money to combat the shit they routinely see on shows like Family Guy as well as companies with the temerity to adopt gay-friendly practices. Those on board with such boycotts and screeching are some of the dumbest most valueless people on the planet, and the AFA knows it. They’re all about fleecing the flock.

Anyway, their latest gripe concerns an episode of American Dad (a cartoon show created by Seth MacFarlane, then man behind Family Guy). This is what they claim:

Fox network inserts bestiality into family programming
Urgent: File a formal complaint today with the FCC!

Dear kemibe,

The Fox broadcast network featured bestiality on the program American Dad that aired over your public airwaves on Sunday night, January 3rd. But that’s not the worst of it. The network chose one of the most popular animated children’s programs (according to the Parents Television Council) to spew their toxic perversion and sickening content. Keep in mind that this program’s popularity ranges primarily from children 2-11 years old.

The idea that American Dad is in any way a children’s program is an arrant lie. It’s beyond ludicrous, tantamount to claiming that Family Guy and Desperate Housewives are aimed at little kids.

I apologize about the explicit content of this alert but you must know about what happened and file a formal complaint now with the Federal Communications Commission (FCC)! We must demand that the agency which is responsible for the enforcement of our broadcast decency law do its job.

WARNING: Explicit Content! Click Here to read the dialogue and view the clip from the January 3rd episode of American Dad which aired during prime time.

Yes, this is so horrible, so depraved, that we’ll link to it on the Web, which is a favorite hangout of youths everywhere. Sheer genius. And guess what, folks: The FCC is doing its job. If you think shows like this one are sick and perverted, don’t let your kids watch them. They’ll be exposed to all of the same stuff anyway once they’re out of your cross-eyed clutches and in the real world, but you can do your best for the time being.

But it gets better. Here’s what the dialogue includes:

Roger has an injured arm, and tells Stan he must care for their racehorse.

ROGER: “You’re gonna have to do the horse chores…You have to brush the horse’s coat and mane, water and feed it, then give it a full release. You know, give it a happy photo finish. Take the glue out of the factory. Spank his front butt. Grant him a bone loan!”

Later, Stan strokes the horse’s side.

STAN: “Here we go. Just do me a favor and let me know when you’re about to…you know.”

Stan bends down beneath the horse. The horse’s eyes go wide with surprise and pleasure. Stan is shown with fluid spraying in his face, implying that the horse has ejaculated on Stan. The camera pulls back to reveal that Stan is washing himself off with a hose.

Now, this was a funny scene in my opinion, but what cracks me up is seeing this stuff on a site like the AFA’s and imagining all of the hand-wringing underlying it. All this “action alert” tells me is that these morally pure Christians enjoy shows like American Dad just as much as everyone else. Otherwise, cretinous waterheads like the people bolting down the AFA would never hear of such viciously unsuitable content.

The point? This is a highly entertaining show, as is anything stemming from the mind of MacFarlane. Look into it.

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  1. #1 by Warren on January 8, 2010 - 6:15 pm

    While Roger got Stan to do what he did to the horse on a pretense, it’s quite common for horse breeders to collect ejaculate from prize stallions. They use mechanical stimulation now, I believe (the equine version of a fleshlight, one presumes), but in the past it wasn’t unusual for them to manipulate the horse’s genitalia directly.

    If AFA had ever watched “Dirty Jobs”, they’d know that already.

    • #2 by Doc Bushwell on January 14, 2010 - 5:42 pm

      You guys should read Mary Roach’s book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex and hone in on the chapter about the Danish pig breeders.

  2. #3 by The Ridger on January 28, 2010 - 10:15 pm

    Hmmm. When I was at the Ag School, you used a fake mare and real urine from a mare in heat. The stallion mounted the fake and ejaculated into a tube.

    The worst job, though, was the “teaser” – the poor stallion who was brought out to see if a mare in heat was receptive or likely to kick the stud – don’t want her damaging the valuable stud, after all. That poor stallion (the teaser) never got to breed.

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