A short list of people who should be administered ferocious noogies until they mend their ways

First of all, if you’re going to return an item to the supermarket or any place of commerce while simultaneously making a purchase at the register, do not announce in mid-transaction that you left the receipt in your car and go doddering outside to grab it when there are three or four people waiting in line behind you. Secondly, if the receipt perishable item you claim was rotten when you bought it, make sure the date on receipt falls within the last six months.

I’m not sure how doing all of one’s grocery shopping at Whole Foods, living on a diet of compost and ineffective nutriceuticals, and toting around shopping bags that were manufactured during the Eisenhower administration translates into the bizarre combination of obliviousness and self-entitlement requires to perpetrate this kind of shit and smile while doing it, but I’ll know I’ve been in Boulder for too long when I start to empathize with the transgressors, who are as uniquely prevalent in this region as sub-13:00 3,000-meter runners are in Kenya’s Iten Province.