He is risen!

Bullshit. If “he” was ever around in the first place to be fallen, he has stayed that way for almost two thousand years. Those who like to suspend the laws of the natural world an believe in the original resurrection despite the frivolity of this are invited to consider the fact that the Second Coming was supposed to have happened a long-ass time ago. So if Christianity has dropped the ball there, why believe that it has anything accurate to say about undocumented and absurdly unlikely events of yore? And if you’re celebrating Easter and I appear to be shitting on your mojo, don’t worry. Everyone I saw during a long dogabout in the last 90 minutes was using the holiday as an excuse to load up on excess food. Every holiday in this country as basically a first-degree relative of Thanksgiving. When even wakes include tons of grub as a central feature, something’s messed up. Booze and drugs I can get behind, though, so it’s sort of the same thing. (There’s some overwhelming stupidity in that CNN article, which I may find time to thrash later.)

But hey; I’m thinking Jesus would have more respect for a rogue and iconoclast (being one himself) than sycophants who can be Pharisee-like in their joyless insistence on dogmatic nonsense. So in that spirit, I recommend the following activities today:

  • Fasting.
  • Avoiding relatives, except for those you see often anyway.
  • Running around city parks stomping on carefully concealed eggs.
  • Dropping off condoms at the local Archdiocese
  • Blogging about Easter in a mean-spirited way.

I’m already gearing up for Memorial Day, when I plan to find some road race to benefit pacifist amnesia sufferers.