I have to capitalize on this somehow

I was Googling some shit today and made an interesting discovery. I have posted on an average of 8 or 9 times a day on a particular message board since its inception at the end of 2007. I have taken a sabbatical from so as to dedicate more time to income-based writing (e.g., articles about scrotal stretching, anus pain, sore testicles, a throbbing gooch, and manscaping) but was trying to find one of my old posts for some reason and wound up assembling an incomplete list of forum members who claim to have had dreams including me. I had missed most of these over the years since I tend to come and go in my bipolar style, but from what I could find it appears that at least six people (out of maybe 100 true regulars) have been followed into the arms of Morpheus by yours truly. All of them, coincidentally, are women.

This alone isn’t unusual, but I did find an interesting mini-pattern. On March 19 of last year, someone who I hadn’t yet met in real life, but met in Denver last October, had this to report:

Last night I was at a big store of some sort. I was shopping for a new bed. Here comes Kevin telling me that I should buy this enormous bed that L. had carved out of a giant tree. It was only five grand and he thought that was okay. Then he showed me a huge metal bed, which L. had created to make it look like it had real fabric on it. It was actually all metal, but comfy.

Then, poof, I was at a restaurant in with Kevin, L., my husband and some random stranger, who could have been of you people too!

Then on March 18 of this year, the same woman reported:

In my dream I was in a running group Kevin was in charge of. He was wearing a Charlie Brown T-shirt. For some reason, he wanted me to draw a sketch of him on a dry erase board. He drew a typical stick figure and then asked me to take over from there. So I erased the top of his head and drew spiky Bart Simpson style yellow hair. Then, while I wasn’t looking, he changed the stick figure’s body into a huge, barrel-chested figure with massive pecs. In response I wrote “Yes, like this only skinnier” next to it.

He got all upset and said something to the along the lines of “don’t wreck the fantasy for me.” I told him that I ought to carry my own sign around at all times that said “just like this only skinnier.”

So, dreams on March 19 and March 18 in consecutive years. A coincidence? Not! There must be some metaphysical connection between us involving St. Patrick’s Day. I should warn her not to sleep between March 17 and March 21 of next year, but since the world is coming to an end the month before I guess I won’t prioritize this. (A different forum member reported having a sexual encounter with me on the same day my friend described the stick-figure thing, but I think she was probably confusing a standard sick fantasy with a genuine dream.)

  1. #1 by Courtney on May 9, 2011 - 1:11 am

    holy crap.

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