CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A team of researchers at Harvard Medical School have determined that men who are visibly well-endowed when they achieve erections may have longer, thicker penises than men who are not.
A study of 1,168 male undergraduates at the University of Massachusetts found that when men removed their pants and their penises were stroked into a state of complete tumescence, those with porn-star-caliber cocks had penises far more likely to measure above the U.S. average — either 5.42″ or 7.68″ long, depending on whether the data are collected by clinicians or self-reported.
“We weren’t entirely surprised by what we discovered,” said Gerald C. Rubin, M.D., a professor of urology at the Harvard School of Public Health and the study’s principal investigator. “Before we even got started, we suspected that the guys you see in the locker room who pretty much look like mutants — peckers dangling halfway to their knees like huge, meaty war clubs — were apt to be unusually ‘well-equipped.’ Sure enough, the data bear this out.”
For many years, medical types have wasted untold amounts of grant money in their various attempts to correlate anthropometric data with human penis size. Height, shoe size, finger length, and even shoulder-to-hip-width ratio have been compared to penis length in numerous surveys and studies, with no conclusive or reliable results emerging from any of this boldly pointless work. Rubin’s results, which were published in the online edition of North American Urology on April 8, suggest that there may finally be an indirect way for women in bars and other social gathering places to identify well-endowed men without waiting until the “moment of truth” later on: They can simply ask their potential to pull out their dicks and a ruler on the spot.
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