Over the past nine or so months, we’ve all seen a disturbing progression in the U.S. presidential race from divisive public comments to unpretentiously inflammatory “go-get-’em” rhetoric to outbreaks of real violence, all of which curiously center on a single candidate — one whose propensity for overstated, aggressive blather was well-established considerably in advance of his launching his campaign.
In your opinion, which of the following best applies to the immediate future of the United States?
A. The tumult, ugly though it’s been, has at least peaked. Donald Trump will urge the noisiest of his bellicose followers to save their antics for scheduled KKK meetings and NASCAR events, and most will grudgingly listen.
B. Trump, who never actually meant anything he said during those many “go-get-’em” speeches, will order the Bernie Sanders acolytes and MoveOn members who are uniquely responsible for the violence to avoid his publicly staged rallies, thereby preserving Trump’s own oft-violated First Amendment rights.
C. President Obama will properly apologize for dividing the country along racial lines, which has left Trump rally attendees little choice but to do things like sucker-punch black women protesters in the face. Knowing that this is just a ruse by Obama to distract people from his efforts to install ISIS operatives at every Trump rally, Trump’s fans will continue to defend themselves against grisly physical attacks from the left, usually by physically assaulting protesters so as to preempt protester shenanigans.
D. Trump’s opponents will capitalize on this golden opportunity to gain ground in the race for the Republican Party nomination by defying astronomical odds and somehow saying things almost as stupid as Trump himself has, thereby executing the political equivalent of booting a 19-yard Super Bowl-winning field goal 50 feet wide to the left in the waning seconds.
E. Trump, realizing that acknowledging any personal role in the discord would possibly alienate the hopped-up, drooling zombies who would prefer to see him campaign in a Schutzstaffel uniform, will deftly lead the walking dead astray by raising the proposed height of the never-to-be-built wall along the U.S.-Mexico border to 2,723 feet, one triumphant foot higher then the tip of the Burj Khalifa Tower in Dubai.