For a few years in a previous decade, I used to regularly get into tussles with Evangelicals online. In case you haven’t heard, ECs, who for inexplicable reasons are often regarded as worthy interview subjects, staunchly and habitually attempt to defend indefensible, asinine things about the natural world; there is no point at all in arguing with them other than passing the time and in effect bullying people who flawlessly impersonate special-needs adults and uncontrolled schizophrenics.
Apart from their nonsense claims about geology, biology, and basic reality, they constitute a voting blog notorious throughout modern U.S. history for trying to claim the American moral high ground while keeping a straight face, like a guy who removes an issue of Penthouse with the pages stuck together from under his mattress and claims he’s never even looked at it. They are, of course, no more immune to temptations of the flesh than anyone else, and in fact often wind up in a disproportionate share of sex scandals thanks to the contradictory and unrealistic framework in which they are raised. Whenever you see a male state legislator from a low-information swamp-republic carrying on about the evils of same-sex marriage, you might as well start the countdown to the day he is found in a hotel room with some underage kid’s face in his crotch.
All that aside, I am certain that if in, say, 2006 you had challenged the typical EC with the idea that she would vote for a presidential candidate who had been divorced multiple times, was now married to a woman whose sole pre-White House contribution to the world was nude photos, bragged about all the pussy he could essentially take by force, and knew nothing about the Bible, that representative EC would have denied it. She would have been shocked and angry at the declaration that she would not only vote for him, but continue to stand behind him after undeniable news emerged during his presidency that he’d fucked a porn actress while his wife was pregnant.
But I myself would have foreseen it. I am not at all shocked that ECs are behaving this way. It is entirely consistent with their being nothing but shambling shitstains on this godless mess of a country. More specifically, as I noted, they are a political bloc, which is a major reason — but not the only one — that their tax-exempt status should have been eliminated a long time ago. ECs are liars, hypocrites, and generally quite stupid. Being, for the most part, hillbillies from wholly disposable parts of the country, they manage to sound dumber than they actually are, which is like being even taller than you look when you’re an NBA center.
They will vote for the Republican candidate in every presidential election, always, always and always. And I don’t even have to bring Roy Moore into this discussion, because the fact that he was only narrowly defeated by Doug Jones last fall despite his staggering array of personal and professional shortcomings — I mean seriously, this is a guy who should have been tossed into a pound-me-in-the-ass prison a long time ago, not been free and running for U.S. Senate — only underscores every point I am making here.
I hope the next president is everything the right-wing loons claimed Obama was: a foreign-born closet fascist-terrorist who intended to seize their guns, throw Christians into interment camps, and keep himself in office indefinitely by executive fiat. In fact, I don’t just want the 46th POTUS to threaten these things, but to take steps toward doing them. I want these swamp-dwelling bumpkins for Jesus to be too terrified to leave their shit-shacks and roam about in public, because such vermin only befoul whatever places their bloated living carcasses appear. These genetic tragicomedies and Fox News addicts are hyper-paranoid mouth-breathers as it is, so I don’t see how reifying their dark fantasies would really make things worse inside their misshapen heads. But more than anything else, I want them to suffer for wanting others to suffer, which is their only point of focus.
But back to the political-bloc thing. ECs, being immoral and unprincipled to the core, at least know how to be on the winning side of elections, because they will hold their nose for whatever choice best serves their interests and vote for that person. Democrats are too whiny and dithering to do the same. A great example is the whole “When they go low, we aim high” schtick that is utterly pointless.
Sarah Huckabee is a pig; a fat, lopsided, ugly fucking mouth-breathing cunt who should be referred to routinely and emphatically as such every single day. Same with KellyAnne Conway, a screechy harridan who is a walking antidote to a Viagra overdose in every way. The entire job of these two assholes is to tell extremely destructive lies to the American people every day, and since it would be improper to physically attack them, they should be shamed in every way possible, enough so that the burden if it makes it impossible for them to do their jobs anymore. (I’m assuming they are actually human enough to feel shame in the way I imagine here.) Enough with this “not the C-word!” shit; I’m not saying it’s OK to call women cunts willy-nilly — only when they deserve it. Calling someone a cunt is not “misogynistic” or “sexist” — it’s a proper insult for a worthless human being who happens to have ovaries. I myself am tired of this circus of flagrant lies, and of the Republicans not only refusing to do anything about it but abetting it. Fuck them all. You can all be as polite as you like, and pretend to be idealistic in the midst of this. I am not. I wouldn’t care less what happens to “the country” as long as delusional religious shitbags have as little control over it as possible.
In saying these things — and I don’t just mean here, since no one reads this shit, but generally — I stand to alienate a lot of people who consider me a political ally. But I’m tired of the political left and their bullshit hypocrisy as well. I didn’t see an ounce of condemnation of the de-platforming of a conservative feminists at an Oregon law school last week by the same people who are routinely appalled by transgressions of the First Amendment by theocratically minded public-school teachers and political figures. When you are a nihilist like I am and therefore don’t really care how this shitty country turns out, it is, if nothing else, easier to be honest and reject affiliations that are nothing more than tribal.