A novel begging to be written

Last night, I got into it on a friend’s Facebook page with a couple of lost-cause right-wing fuckheads, clearly among the many millions of Americans who simply do not care that the U.S. president is turning out to be as bad or worse than even full-throated cynics realized. These assholes, being simpletons and Bible-boppers, come in one basic flavor. They parrot Fox News talking points that only come from Fox News, but claim, pointlessly, to collect their “info” from a variety of sources; they take great umbrage at not being treated civilly despite providing every imaginable rationale for being insulted in the extreme; and they never, fucking ever read any links you offer or show the slightest sign that they’re in it for any other reason but to make noise, making their pleas for civility even more inane than they would be already.

In response, I started calmly discussing why the U.S. might become a slightly less adversarial place for people with somewhat advanced forebrains if everyone could be reversibly sterilized at birth. I actually do think this would be a good idea, but it’s not something I would personally implement even if given the unique power to do so.

The first thing I usually do when some stranger concludes that I’m legitimately unhinged based on some throwaway Facebook comment is double down and expand on whatever idea I’ve introduced to see how far I can go before the other person recognizes that I’m kidding.When someone becomes aghast at my idea to, say, enclose American religious extremists inside a giant impenetrable dome to keep them from ruining U.S. society more than they already have (and I came up with this well before Stephen King wrote his book about a similar event), I scold them for not having vision and go on to describe where and from what materials it could be built, the criteria for being housed there, and the penalties for attempted escape. I discuss mitigating factors, such as the fact that it would be a giant infrastructure project and hence a boost to the economy; the notion that the colony or protectorate or whatever you’d call it clearly wouldn’t need schools or law enforcement of any sort; and the idea that people could ultimately apply for visas and visit the U.S. proper from time to time if they could show evidence of reasonable cognition.

Sometimes, I start to feel faint twinges of remorse when people start complaining that this would be cruel or inhumane (which it wouldn’t be; the dome would be temperature controlled, and food, most of it straight from the menu of any Cracker Barrel, would be plentiful and nourishing). But for the most part I just laugh and keep trolling.

Of course, you know who’s gonna get fucking blamed if we wake up one morning and there’s a huge hemisphere over most of West Texas with about 20 million Bible-banging idiots trapped inside.

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