In May 2017, I was contacted via Facebook Messenger by a television producer from the Pilgrim Media Group about being in a prospective History Channel documentary about the 1986 Space Shuttle Challenger disaster, which killed a teacher at my high school along with six other astronauts. The producer had found my posts on this blog from 2007 (aggregated here) and assumed, correctly, that I would be willing to appear in the documentary, assuming it was in fact produced.
We spoke on the phone for over an hour. Despite how often I have revisited January 28, 1986 in the past 32-plus years, I found myself far more expansive and animated at times than I ever expected to be, as well experiencing a wider and more potent array of emotions. As it happens, writing about something is not nearly as evocative of memories and feelings as is discussing it, even on the phone and even with a stranger.
Unfortunately, as happens so often in the TV business, the documentary – which would have aired on Jan. 28, 2018, the 32nd anniversary of the disaster – was never made, and as a result I obviously didn’t appear in it.
Some basic background: Kim has recently taken to calling me “her N,” with N being short for narcissist. This abbreviation is one of the shibboleths used by members of this subreddit, which is devoted to people who believe they have suffered abuse specifically at the hands of a narcissist. No doubt some of them are victims of legitimate abuse. Others are probably just hurting as a result of failed but otherwise unremarkable relationships and are taking the opportunity to vent in a setting where support for their complaints is assured. At least one, however, is a thoroughgoing narcissist herself. What else to call an unemployed beer-guzzling layabout who has accomplished virtually nothing in her adult life, yet lies with unparalleled abandon and pretends to be an expert in virtually everything? (Scroll through these comments made to a panoply of subreddits and note how many jobs, hobbies and interests she supposedly has. Her posts in the computer science subreddit, which immediately scream “poser!” at people who do know something about computer programming, are especially rich. Kim’s scant employment history does not involve computer work and she washed out of engineering school as an undergrad.)
Anyway, ignore most of Kim’s bullshit about me being a closet drunk and her other scattershot burbling, and focus on the part where she claimed I said I would be on the History Channel. (I have no idea where she got the ideas about Intervention and the White House, which probably just bobbed like stray cognitive turds into the neurological toilet serving as her forebrain as she was typing that sentence.) When I first heard from the producer, I posed this to my Facebook page. It’s not a public now, but may have been at the time I first posted it.
Every once in a while, I’m reminded of just how closely this besotted maniac (most of what she writes under that handle is bullshit, but it’s no more an accident that she found a subreddit for end-stage drinkers than it is that the made one centering on narcissism a favorite haunt), who frequently claims she never had any association with me at all — and if only that were true! — follows me.
Now step back and consider Kim’s attitude toward mental illness, leaving aside the fact that she herself is as crazy as a shithouse rat. She refers to me as “an admitted alcoholic” (true, to the extent I agree with the term “alcoholic,” but I haven’t had a sip of booze in close to two years). She throws bipolar disorder back there only to retract it, and then says she heard from “a good source” than I am a non-compliant schizophrenic. (I could go off on several entertaining tangents here, the funniest being the idea that Kim Duclos actually talks to anyone in Boulder who knows me. She talks to herself, Redditors, her boyfriend-cum-caregiver Sean, probably her cats, and when she decides to attribute especially off-the-wall deeds to me, the police.) Now, if you know anything about schizophrenia, you know that it’s not possible for schizophrenic people to function in society without medication for very long, depending on the severity of the illness. Moreover, you might also be aware that genuine schizophrenics don’t refuse treatment because they like to be contrary and revel in their disease. Paranoia is a major feature (Kim is paranoid at times and may herself have a touch of schizoaffective disorder, although being a layperson I think I’ll just continue to classify her chiefly as “worthless white-trash liar”) and people with clinical paranoia respond with considerable resistance to people who tell them “Look, you’ll feel better if you take this pill.” So denigrating someone with schizophrenia for being non-compliant is like denigrating a diabetic for having high blood sugar; it’s highlighting a major feature of a disease and blaming the victim for manifesting it.
Perhaps strangest thing about Kim’s latest online incarnation is that she is, one has to think, fully aware that every single person who knows that Kim Duclos is the one writing this garbage under the handle “iCodeToYachtRock” knows she’s lying about virtually everything. To the rest of the visitors to that forum, she’s just noise, and it’s evident that her raving is not at all credible. (A little birdie suggested to me that some of those visitors have been in contact with people with more accurate knowledge of the situations Kim describes than Kim herself is.) So it’s hard to figure out what her aim here is. Does she think I’ll be angry that she calls me things I’m not? Or suggests that I’m things that wouldn’t be a source of shame even if they were true?
I guess I am just ignoring the obvious: She’s a troll and just wants to disrupt my life. She has no responsibilities, and although I am blessed with a wonderfully flexible schedule, I have a variety of them. I can’t just respond all day and night to the unrelenting output of a nonsense-machine. I can turn out a lot of words in a short time, but I’m not superhuman, and clearly, none of this is necessary.
Kim Duclos is as ugly as ugly gets, inside and out. Her language, her lies, her food, her entire persona: all hideous. She has what one of my friends who follows this needless saga, a fellow prone to the utmost levels of diplomacy, calls “an unfortunate visage.” Think of me what you will for choosing this label, but I have no qualms about applying it, because Kim herself openly maligns not merely alcoholics, people with bipolar disorder (for the record, I think I have tendencies toward hypomania) and schizophrenics, but also people who are overweight, alcoholic, anorexic, and bulimic.
Here is a small slice of the many things she has posted, in no special order.
These are not conditions that anyone afflicted with them can simply change, and Kim has taken aim at Lize not once but repeatedly, saying that she “quit eating in the 1980s” and so on. I might be able to give this a pass had Lize ever behaved in a hostile way toward Kim, but all Lize is guilty of is having close association with me. (I’ve pointed out before that Kim can’t stand anyone I’ve dated, which may indicate jealousy — YECCCCCH!!! — but just as likely reflects Kim’s inability to hey along with anyone for any meaningful length of time.) So if I casually suggest that someone who was walloped with the ugly stick is treading on thin ice with her energetic criticism of the often-immutable physical weaknesses and imperfections of others, perhaps you’ll let this slide.