Adventures in courtroom lying, part 3: Kim Duclos tries to defend a demonstrably false allegation (audio)

This is the third in a series of posts about a March 14, 2016 court hearing pertaining to reciprocal restraining orders Kim Duclos and I had recently petitioned for. In addition to lying to the police on Feb. 26, 2016 about a nonexistent episode of harassment to trigger this whole mess and lying on a restraining-order petition the following Monday (Feb. 29, 2016), Kim lied repeatedly before a judge in court at the hearing (I think there’s a word for that) and has been periodically lying about both the nature of the hearing itself and events addressed in the hearing. She has also continued to hector my friends as well as attempt to interfere with my personal and business life. Ergo, this series of posts, which will reveal even more forcefully what a sociopathic and malevolent liar Kim Duclos is.

Moreover, Kim Duclos is a criminal. Lying to the police, on court paperwork, and in a court hearing itself are crimes, especially when you do make up these stories to try to get someone in trouble. As you’ll see throughout these posts, Kim has the personal ethics of a starving, drunken hyena. I want to emphasize this because of Kim’s frantic and throaty insistence that I’m a dangerous scofflaw myself. 

The audio clips were generated using Audacity and taken from the official .TRM files supplied to me by Boulder District Court. The audio itself has not been altered in any way. The hearing took place from 1:21 p.m. to 3:39 p.m. MST.

This installment features Kim Duclos trying to defend the bullshit claim that served as the ultimate catalyst for this court hearing: that on February 26, 2016, I harassed her from a gray pickup truck I was driving near her and her boyfriend Sean’s apartment in Boulder. I’ve covered this here, but listening to Kim — who starts every lie a few points in the hole because she’s too scatterbrained and dumb to fib skillfully — try to simultaneously prop up and desperately modify an obvious falsehood is an exercise any armchair psychologist or fan of schadenfreude should undertake.

In this pitiful shitburst, Kim offers two related but distinct lies: That someone heckled her from a truck while she was running, and that I was the one who did it. I know with 100 percent certainty that the second one is false and I would unhesitatingly bet my life and that of my own mother that the first one is, too. Unless you have mental problems of your own, you’ll soon understand why.

The critical aspect of this 3-minute, 24-second instance of blatant perjury is that it happened less than an hour after I’d proven beyond any reasonable doubt that there was no way I could have been where she placed me at 4:45 p.m. on the day in question, audio I’m reserving for a future post. It was already a ludicrous story even without my alibi (which a smart liar would have anticipated in some form) in the mix; the truck incident not only wasn’t my doing, it’s a complete fabrication, period. By the time her lawyer put her on the stand, which he had no choice but to do since her accusation was the impetus for her request for a restraining order, it was an even more laughable. As I mentioned here, I don’t own a gray truck and the odds of me borrowing one just to bellow obscenities at some pathetic loon are very small, the damning tale told by this photo submitted by a faithful blog reader notwithstanding.

As you listen to the clip, it’s helpful to have a map of the area in question for reference. Kim claims here that the driver of the truck made a left turn from 55th onto Tenino, and that she was approaching the intersection from the west. Without revealing exactly where she lives, it’s safe to say she starts most of her runs, including imaginary runs like this one, from near the intersection of Manhattan and Tenino.

The yellow arrows show the path of the mystery truck and the red arrow is Kim’s purported path. The orange cross is about where she would start from. Note that Tenino Ave. is about 0.29 miles long.

Kim’s story: At about 53 seconds, she says “the truck made a quick turn into Tenino, behind me” which makes no sense given her claims about the relative positions of the moving objects in this fictional drama. But because she is inarticulate in the extreme and should stay the fuck off witness stands, maybe she meant that the truck had passed behind her.

At 1:02, you can hear me snicker after she lets fly with her purely childish “he yelled ‘Wa ha ha,’ like, trying to scare me. Like, the usual.” When her lawyer then asks if she looked over, she says she did while trying to reach for her phone, yep, phone, which is suddenly more important to Kim than the identity of the driver because there was no driver or truck and at this point she’s clearly just making shit up on the fly. She says, “I’ve been trying to get pictures of this for over a year,” which is funny because she had started a blog just about one year before the hearing that she dedicated entirely to rambling about how dangerous and incompetent I was, yet had neglected to mention anything about my trying to run her down. (That’s the copy of the blog I preserved; she deleted it from the Web in the spring of 2017.)

At 1:36, Kim tries the fake tears gambit, as if the judge doesn’t see this all the time. She says she identified me as the driver using her eyes, but then immediately says, “I recognized the voice more than the face on this one.” (This was one of many points at which the judge was looking down at his desk and openly grinning. This was weird and reassuring at the same time, not that I was concerned that Kim was getting anywhere with this horseshit.)

At 1:52, for some fucked-up reason — I’ll guess “knowing the was fighting a losing battle”– her lawyer, after a thoughtful pause, blurts out, “So, were you going for a training run?”, as if the kind of workout it was had any bearing on the likelihood of my being there. Kim then jabbers semi-coherently about “going to the people” for a group run that was supposedly starting at the Bobolink Trail Head. (You won’t hear it in this clip, but Kim complains shortly after this that she didn’t know anyone in Boulder because she’d been hiding from me ever since moving here.) You can’t see it on the map above, but that trail head is about 0.85 miles from the spot where this alleged incident occurred — about twice as far as the distance back to her apartment. She’s claiming here that she thought it was a safer bet to run for close to a mile and stand outside and exposed than to turn around and run at most half that far to the safety of her home.

At 2:06, she says she left her house “a little bit after 4:30.” Notice that she specified on her court paperwork that the incident took place at 4:45 p.m., and considering the spot she picked for the setting of this fable is less than a five-minute trot from her door, that’s pinning it down very closely. That would mean she knows she left her place at more like 4:40. But she and her dumbass lawyer needed to push that time back as far as possible because I had already demonstrated earlier in the hearing that I’d been at the library at 4:53. Even 4:35 or even 4:30 encounter with me wouldn’t have left me enough time to get to the library at rush hour and ran to the back of the building, as I’ve described. But like I noted she had to push some version of this story because it was the one she gave to the court.

She then says the incident took place “half, three-quarters of a mile” from her place; this is not only wrong, but wrong to her disadvantage since her lie would have looked better if she had minimized the time lapse between starting her supposed run and allegedly seeing me. She makes it worse with her “4:40 at the earliest” statement. She then does the correct math stemming from this gaffe and offers a revised left-her-apartment time of 4:35. (The point here, as you probably understand, is not to point out that Kim is merely wrong. It’s to highlight the kind of incoherence borne of obvious desperate lying, exacerbated by being at least a little nervous — so one would think — about lying blatantly under oath in front of a judge.)

The actual story: I don’t have much to add to my in-text editorializing above combined with my previous statements about this. If you find anything about Kim’s story believable, stop reading this right now and schedule a consultation with a neurologist. But I will comment on a few things.

Kim says that she couldn’t really see me, but recognized the voice as mine. Kim had never heard me say more than a handful of words, on the phone or in person, in her life. Furthermore, if this alleged heckler was making scary “WA-HA-HA!” noises, this would reveal nothing about his everyday speaking voice.

It’s notable that Kim didn’t mention that the driver of the truck honked his horn at her, as this driver did in the story Kim told the police (first image). This seems like a detail that would have absolutely made in into any true oral account.

And a perhaps minor point: The within-an-hour-of-setting sun would have been over the Flatirons and more or less right in the face of anyone driving west on Tenino at 4:45 p.m. in late February — not ideal conditions for wasting time heckling people when you’re merely trying to not run over their scarcely discernible forms thanks to the pernicious glare.

Recall at this point that this whole hearing was prompted by nothing more Kim discovering the page I’d written about shenanigans three days earlier. I’m wagering that she was checking out my Facebook profile and the link I’d included to that page, and lost the fragile shards of her mind when she read what I’d written and saw to her horror that I’d not only been watching the whole time but harvested a lot of screen shots. I can’t technically prove this, but I’d bet my life on it. Yet all she’s done since is supply me with about 20 times the previous volume of incriminating screen shots, right up to the present day.

Kim expects to be taken seriously by normal people (maybe not so much about me anymore, but about about other things she weaves tall tales about) despite the sheer volume and insanity of her lying. One of the ways in which her ramshackle mind has tried to reconcile the lack of progress she’s made in recent years — both in her life in general and in trying to get me banned from Earth — is deciding that I’ve somehow put all sorts of people under an evil spell using a bizarre brand of charisma (remember, I’m drunk and homeless all the time, so I probably smell, look and sound terrible). She needs to believe that I’ve tricked people because she’d such an irredeemable human being that she refuses to acknowledge not only having made grave mistakes but even minor ones. She cannot grasp that people don’t have to like me or know me at all to not believe the goddamn shit she has been spouting forever and continues to spout just as enthusiastically now as she ever did.

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  1. Adventures in courtroom lying, part 5: Kim Duclos really ought to vet her own stories | Dr. Joan Bushwell's Chimpanzee Refuge

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