Adventures in courtroom lying, part 5: Kim Duclos really ought to vet her own stories

This is the fifth in a series of posts about a March 14, 2016 court hearing pertaining to reciprocal restraining orders Kim Duclos (now operating as “I_Code _to _Yacht_Rock” on Reddit) and I had recently petitioned for. In addition to lying to the police on Feb. 26, 2016 about a nonexistent episode of harassment to trigger this whole mess and lying on a restraining-order petition the following Monday (Feb. 29, 2016), Kim lied repeatedly before a judge in court at the hearing (I think there’s a word for that) and has been periodically lying about both the nature of the hearing itself and events addressed in the hearing. She has also continued to hector my friends as well as attempt to interfere with my personal and business life. Ergo, this series of posts, which will reveal even more forcefully what a sociopathic and malevolent liar Kim Duclos is.

Moreover, Kim Duclos is a criminal. Lying to the police, on court paperwork, and in a court hearing itself are crimes, especially when you do make up these stories to try to get someone in trouble. As you’ll see throughout these posts, Kim has the personal ethics of a starving, drunken hyena. I want to emphasize this because of Kim’s frantic and throaty insistence that I’m a dangerous scofflaw myself. 

The audio clips were generated using Audacity and taken from the official .TRM files supplied to me by Boulder District Court. The audio itself has not been altered in any way. The hearing took place from 1:21 p.m. to 3:39 p.m. MST.

In this portion of Kim’s testimony, she, having already gibbered her way through my fictional heckling of her from a truck on Feb. 26, 2016 and then stammered about a nonexistent foot pursuit of her on some unspecified date at about six months earlier, shifts her strategy from recounting events that were impossible for me to have been a part of to describing actions that no human being could realistically have perpetrated.

This four-minute, 16-second clip starts with Kim’s lawyer asking her about a supposed incident involving me swerving at her from a white Honda Civic, which I apparently did in August of 2015. (Between lying to the cops on 2/26/2016 and lying on her court paperwork three days later, Kim apparently forgot the month in which this “happened.”) It ends with her claiming that I had already tried running her down on Baseline Road in Boulder six months before that, this time in the same gray truck that I supposedly again produced just for the purpose of bothering her one year later.

The germane portion of the police report, followed by the relevant parts of the court paperwork:

First, understand that the reason Kim told the cop it was a white Civic (or a White Civic, to be true to the police report) for one of these episodes is that Kim knew that I often drove Lize’s car, a white Toyota Camry. How Kim came by this knowledge is unclear — I’m guessing she cruised by Lize’s house a bunch of times on the sly after making it to Boulder because that’s exactly the kind of creepy shit she’d do and maybe continues to do — but it wasn’t for the reason she claims here.

Kim’s story: Kim gets off to a great start; her lawyer asks “When did that occur?” and in her answer she starts burbling instead about the supposed “where” instead of the supposed “when.” And Kim proceeds to further wreck her own credibility (not that it mattered by this point, but even when obviously lying it’s good form to try to avoid looking like a complete moron) by not knowing or remembering what the layout of the pertinent part of 55th street actually looks like. She says she was I was driving north while she was running north on the other (west) side of the road, facing traffic, near the East Boulder Recreation Center. That would be in the top right of this Google Maps grab.


Kim says that I was “swerving and waving and honking, as usual,” again trying to portray this as basically an everyday occurrence she only became upset enough to call the police about, ironically, immediately after she discovered I’d publicly called her a liar for the first time. She says she couldn’t hear well, so “this time it was more appearance” that allowed her to identify me.

After a 20-second pause, her lawyer moves on to the incident that “occurred” in February 2015. Kim says “that was the first one.” Despite this being “the first one,” Kim again says that I was “honking and waving, as usual,” adding “This was the one where he had the sunglasses on.” (You can practically read the thoughts in her head as she desperately tries to remember which fake story goes with which identifying detail: Was the white Camry/Civic one the blond hair one or the shades one?) From 1:40 to 1:48 she starts about 18 distinct sentences without completing a single one, an amazing, even Trumpian display of senselessness, before getting the idea across that she was running west “in the gutter” of Baseline Road when I swerved at her while driving east. She said I was wearing sunglasses, but that it was the hair that again gave me away. (This raises an interesting point because the sunlight on that road at that time of day on a February afternoon would have been shining pretty much in Kim’s own face if this took place in the late afternoon. But I’m clearly overthinking this in an effort to figure out how I myself would lie about the things Kim does if I chose to.) She keeps using the word “again” as if she has completely forgotten that this, chronologically, was supposedly the first of these episodes.

It gets good at 2:25, when the lawyer asks, “Anyone have a beef in town with you, that you know of?” If there’s one thing that sets Kim off, it’s any chance to expand upon the many ways someone’s trying to fuck her over despite her lifelong practice of minding her own business. In perhaps the most notable own-goal of the entire clip, Kim says, “No, I don’t know anyone because of the year of hiding.” In Feb, 2015, Kim and Sean had only been in Boulder for four or five months. Actually, I’m not sure whether they had even moved to East Boulder from North Boulder at that point, but it doesn’t matter — at the time of the hearing she’d been in Boulder for 16 or 17 months.

Kim then says “I work online, I go to school online” (a 2-for-1 bullshit special!) When her lawyer asks if she’s changed any of her behaviors because of me, she says that for her first year in Boulder, she stayed on trails outside of town, but that when she moved to East Boulder (and again, this was months, not a full year, after her carcass was relocated to the Rockies) she would only run back and forth on the South Boulder trail in case — and this part is not stated but clearly implied — she saw me and had to bail. This is utterly senseless on its own for a handful of obvious reasons. She tells her lawyer that she hadn’t been out running since the supposed incident two weeks earlier — sadly, that part is probably true.

When her lawyer asks if I am likely to continue my behavior if not restrained (gotta love legal lingo), she says “Yeah, everything’s gonna make him more angry.” When her lawyer asks “What happened two weeks ago when you quit running?” she takes this opportunity to lie about discovering my web page about her upon returning home from the ill-fated fake run with Deb (whom you’ll meet here in due time) on 2/26/16, which is equivalent to saying that a day already made bad by the stench of shit emanating from her chair was then made even worse when she took a dump in her own pants. She claims that multiple therapists as well as representatives from the Boulder Safe House had been advising her to get a restraining order against me for a year. (That’s not how safe houses work, in case you were wondering.) With what she may have intended as a final flourish, she said that she was worried she was “the next target or something. Like I’m the next one.”

The real story: First, it’s unlikely that any driver intending to scare a pedestrian with his vehicle would do this when both he and the pedestrian are moving in the same direction; the pedestrian wouldn’t see the driver coming toward her, which would wreck the whole point of the act, and the driver would have to be willing to cross into an oncoming lane of traffic. I suppose someone intent on actual violence might use a from-the-back approach to preserve the element of surprise, but Kim says here that I was “swerving and waving and honking, as usual.” (Throwing in “waving” makes the whole account even more ludicrous. Apart from the weirdness of someone bent on serious mischief mixing in some friendly gestures along with the horn-blasts and shouting, wouldn’t this whole display require at least three hands? If I were using my left hand for whipping the wheel back and forth and my right for honking, what exactly was I waving with? Don’t answer that.)

But that’s not even the dumbest part. As is evident from the Google Maps image capture above, the whole northbound stretch of 55th Street near the East Boulder Rec Center includes an elevated median strip several feet wide that begins well south and west of that strip. It is interrupted briefly at a few points, but anyone who crossed the road using one of these would have to be going about 5 MPH to make the turn and would be stuck on the wrong side of the road for a spell. In short, someone trying to swerve anywhere close to the other side of 55th Street while approaching its left-hand turn into Sioux wouldn’t be swerving; he’d be oscillating at best, unless he was actually jumping the car back and forth across median. Not a good fit for a 1996 Camry.

Here are some recent pics I took from that very median — in yet another irony, I regularly run these days with my dog on and near this street as the park nearly is the nearest sizable park near to house and there’s a track at the other end.

Looking north:

Looking southwest:

In short, Kim not only described a combination of behaviors that are physically next to impossible to execute, but picked exactly the wrong part of Boulder in which to situate the lie. So not only did I not do this, no one else did either (sorry, I had to end the suspense on that one.)

Kim also says that she identified me by my hair in both of these episodes, yet says nothing about noticing my face. This is kind of like saying that you know that a Camry/Civic/Humvee/motorcycle you saw must have been driven my a certain driver not because you saw the license plate but because the car was white.

The only thing I can say about the second incident discussed, the one that supposedly took place first, is that she at least offered a story with no obvious huge holes. She didn’t confuse east with west or pick a specific time when I was provably elsewhere choose a swerve-proof street as the setting for her fever dream or pick the wrong model of automobile. Nevertheless, her inability to maintain anything close to a coherent timeline is probably the most glaring evidence of her lying in this installment.

Note that Kim told the cop that she believed I had turned many people in the elite running world against her. At the time of this hearing, Kim’s last race at the almost-elite level was six years in the past. I hadn’t said anything about her except to friends until posting my account of our history two weeks earlier. This is Kim’s feeble mind grasping at some outside agent to blame for the fact that her running career effectively ended when she was 27. In 2010, she alienated me and everyone around her, quit running consistently, re-hired me only to not train, and started firing an unending barrage of “anonymous” vitriolic lies about me onto various websites when I canned her in early 2014. She got Sean to move them to Boulder in the fall of 2015 thinking she’d get her mojo back, and of course she never did. All of this is my somehow supposed to be my fault. As more than one of my friends has remarked, “This level of obsession would be fucked up even if she had a good reason to be pissed at you.” To which I respond with some variation on, that’s why they call the ideas fueling a lot of the ugly and senseless things people do “mental illness.” As I’ve said before, Kim has carried out everything she has done with deliberation and forethought. so “mental illness” isn’t a reactant in her case, it’s a catalyst. Kim’s mind would produce all sorts of stupid and wrongheaded ideas about what the world owes her no matter what kind of meds she were put on (and I doubt she’s on anything besides ethanol), but the fact that she faces challenges most of the rest of society doesn’t only serves to ignite her existing tendencies. An unhinged asshole is a worse asshole than before, but good luck curing the entire mess.

Finally, I have been remiss to this point in not offering a hearty thanks to the Boulder police officer who encouraged Kim to file a restraining order before she even reached out to me for my story and despite the obvious incoherence of Kim’s account. thereby forcing me to waste an entire day in court and more time prepping for it. “Shoot first, ask questions later” is a great motto in all of its forms.

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