Archive for category If I Were Shitfaced

Word manipulators and OCD

I’ve done a fair amount of freelance editing work — mostly copy editing academic textbooks and more recently editing “articles” for the smoldering slag heap known as eHow, which exists solely to cannibalize Google searches (if I were hammered I’d admit that the whole fucking enterprise should be shitcanned for the good of the Web and everyone who surfs it) — and although the pay can be solid, it’s not the kind of work most people would do even if they had the right background for it. The simple reason for this is that it is excoriatingly dull. Imagine spending a couple of weeks sifting through the text of a 1,100-page introductory criminology textbook-to-be looking for the most trivial errors, and making sure that every reference cited in every banal chapter was partnered with a reference in the badly garbled 40-page end-of-book reference list and conversely. Most people would flat-out laugh at the idea. Read the rest of this entry »

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The public cocoon

The world’s full of ignorant and constitutively unintelligent people. As the emergence of the Internet has shown, this shambling and insufferable army of halfwits is just as eager to offer opinions as those who can actually read, think, and process information above what I’d refer to as a simian level if I were fucking drunk and feeling less than charitable. Among these hominid-pundits who technically qualify as human beings are Gribbit and Ikester7579 (Andrew Richardson and Isaac Bourne respectively). If I were indeed plastered and inclined to engage in facile ways to upset these assholes, I’d write this post in a manner that would force Google to index additional evidence of the haplessness of Andrew Richardson of Dayton, Ohio (Gribbit) and Isaac Bourne of Jacksonville (Ikester 7579) and link it to their real names.

That dumbasses want to be heard just as much as others do is not at all surprising; in fact, it’s to be expected, and at some level it’s even acceptable. Before the Web, fuckheads who in a sensible world keep their delusions and misapprehensions to themselves had few options for sharing them beyond the walls of their trailers and group homes. They could disseminate their useless ideas was by writing incoherent letters to newspapers, creating illegible newsletters, and meeting in the basement of Cletus’ Snack Shack in Twat Rot, Alabama to trade insights about how to best deal with Negroes, liberals, the godless and other enemies of the trout-faced and toothless. Beyond that? Not much; functional illiterates have a hard time infiltrating higher-visibility venues such as the mainstream media, colleges, and book publishers (all of which are controlled by vindictive, godless Jew-communists anyway). Read the rest of this entry »

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Smart move

I’m not surprised that this post at Run Angry has garnered a huge number of comments already. Many people feel the way she does, and since similar minds tend to cluster together in the blog world, the effect of her post about smartphones and babble-technology in general there is predictably amplified. If I were plastered right now, I would post something akin to the following. Read the rest of this entry »

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The U.S. military needs to score a real victory now

That way the swamp-crickets of America can run around assuring everyone that Obama didn’t engineer it, the troops did, courtesy of the previous president’s legacy of savvy foreign policy.

This is one aspect of rednecks I hadn’t considered until I thought about getting hammered and writing a post like this. It’s no secret that they’re steeped in Jesus juice, extremely fond of the idea of war, staunch Obama haters, and inordinately proud to be part of the same “greatest nation on Earth” that they routinely complain about, keenly unaware that the kielbasa-choked guts protruding from beneath their Dale Earnhardt Jr. T-shirts are not places in which people with viable opinions localize their most aggressive thought processes. Read the rest of this entry »

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