There is no reality on which to superimpose this awful one

My late-childhood and teenage years, a time when I was in theory developing some awareness of a greater world than my own, coincided with the presidency of Ronald Reagan. Critics rightly argue that his administration began the gradual extinction of a meaningful middle class that continues today, and that he welcomed the onset of the religious perversion of the Republican Party, and that he did his best across two terms to pretend AIDS did not exist. But for present purposes, the pertinent fact is that, although he was adored by his party (and respected by most Democrats) and well-protected by various weasels in the intelligence and military communities, none of that would have resulted in his anything besides immediate removal from office by aghast officials before a mortified populace well before the tear-gassing of nonviolent protesters for the sake of insulting an Episcopal Church under the advisement of the U.S. Attorney General. And that ignores three straight years of obstructing justice and other absurdities that Adults In The Room were supposedly going to quash from the outset.

This is absolute madness, and mostly sadness for me and the people around me out of direct harm’s reach, and now falls entirely on a complicit Republican U.S. Congress. All of them are committed weasels now. The current Republican U.S. Senator from Colorado, Cory Gardner, is not a jerk by nature and didn’t begin as one in 2014. He was bipartisan on immigration and other issues. Then he decided his only strategy for re-election in a state rapidly trending blue was to go all-in on Donald Trump, and immediately began saying and doing things that he clearly didn’t want to, because they were embarrassing. But he did them and still does. And in fact, he was probably right about his strategy choice. But because he chose tha route, he now has an indelible stain on him and he is only in his middle forties.

And therein lies the problem. Once people become U.S. senators. their only real motivation is getting re-elected — Democrats and Republicans both. Everyone knows this, and everyone knows it is because these people are not merely bribed or bought by special interest, they are owned by them from the start. This is not a conspiratorial or even contentious idea; even if you were ignorant of politics generally and only knew that certain individuals had tens of billions of dollars more than even the wealthiest member of U.S. Congress, you would immediately recognize who really makes the laws and paus lawmakers their real salaries. It is a literally inevitable consequence of our system. Bernie Sanders is rich as hell, too.

So when you watch Mitch McConnell say that he doesn’t really see a problem, remember that Mitch McConnell started his political career with squat and is now worth $34 million, and Kentucky’s people have only suffered for it. People will publicly debase themselves for money, be it in reality shows where the worst result is a stupid person eating bugs or in the federal government where the result is barely contained violence set against the backdrop of a devastatingly mismanaged viral illness.

George Will, who for at least 120 years has been an arch-conservative (and a lovely wordsmith) wrote this yesterday:

“The measures necessary for restoration of national equilibrium are many and will be protracted far beyond [Donald Trump’s] removal. One such measure must be the removal of those in Congress who, unlike the sycophantic mediocrities who cosset him in the White House, will not disappear “magically,” as Eric Trump said the coronavirus would. Voters must dispatch his congressional enablers, especially the senators who still gambol around his ankles with a canine hunger for petting.

“In life’s unforgiving arithmetic, we are the sum of our choices. Congressional Republicans have made theirs for more than 1,200 days. We cannot know all the measures necessary to restore the nation’s domestic health and international standing, but we know the first step: Senate Republicans must be routed.”

And writing in Slate, Ben Mathis-Lilley underscores the fact that people like Gardner are not prisoners by any means but are actively corrupt, as a failure to get re-elected hardly spells doom for someone in his role:

“The U.S. has a mechanism by which it can remove a president, and all that mechanism currently requires is for 15 or so Republican senators to accept the possibility of losing a primary election sometime between five months and six years from now, a loss that would compel them, at worst, to accept lucrative corporate board of directors jobs and speaking engagements at Mastercard sales conferences. The pressure on these senators should be as intense as possible; for the rest of the government to allow the president to remain in office in this situation would be an admission that it, too, has failed.”

I hope that the next administration deals appropriately with the grip Evangelical Christianity holds on government and the fact that the driver of this concocted brand of Christianity is and always has been white nationalism and across-the-board bigotry. In the past, they weren’t fooling anyone who glanced under the hood of their newfangled form of “faith,” but in recent years and evermore today, they have stopped hiding it.

Who’ll fund my hospital stay after I suffer a hernia from laughing?

(Edit, 12:42 a.m., Dec. 21: In a development that can only be seen as startling in the eyes of people dumb enough to fork over money to Brian Kolfage, he is evidently a lying sack of shit. I still think all of this is funny because I have no idea if those who donated to the cause will get a refund if the whole enterprise topples. I rather hope they don’t.)

I joked the other day about someone starting a GoFundMe campaign to empower private citizens, specifically fuckups, to fund the border wall. For a host of obvious logistical and political reasons, such a thing would be bursting with the potential for disaster and, thus, schadenfreude.

Therefore, shame on me for not immediately realizing that someone from Florida was already on it.

I went to high school with a guy who is also a triple amputee: His frontal lobe and both temporal lobes disappeared sometime between 1988 and 2016. He was making noises about doing this shortly after Trump took office it and slowly started to dawn on him, like a dog that has been basking in the smell of its own farts for years before the day it finally starts looking suspiciously at its own asshole, that maybe Mexico wasn’t as eager to pay for a border wall as Trump had promised.

The reasoning of the many, many fartbaskers just like this fellow now seems to be:

Continue reading “Who’ll fund my hospital stay after I suffer a hernia from laughing?”

I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and then I’ll retire to my bedroom and watch porn

Back in 2004, in the infancy of my own running-centric blogging but more or less at the apex of my overall online rabble-rousing, I was half-jokingly, half-admiringly accused by a friend of being the Rude Pundit, who was himself then part of a new vanguard of uncivil political bloggers. The Rude One was then anonymous, so I suppose it was possible. No matter what my friend — a prominent running author himself at the time — really believed, I was honored by the comparison. I suspect that the Rude Pundit composes his posts in just the same way I used to do my “Bill Eamick” shtick on Start by writing a coherent and tactful essay, and then weave in generous amounts of gratuitous profanity and obscene metaphors. Most readers view the result of such a process either a masterful remix or an appalling abandonment of decency. I of course see these as complementary aims, and where appropriate (and often where not), I have done my best to maintain this practice.

Today’s essay by the Rude Pundit takes on a popular idea: If Donald Trump is forced to leave office before his scheduled term ends, a significant fraction of his supernaturally loyal base will rise up in literal rebellion, rampaging about the countryside in an unrestrained show of righteous rage. (The Rude One offers his best gem in his opening sentence with “America’s tallest dipshit, former FBI director James Comey.” Yes, I enjoy life’s simpler pleasures.)

While Trump’s administrative removal from office seems unlikely (the odds that he will suffocate after his flapping jaws misdirect a burger morsel into his trachea appear greater), the notion that his slavish followers would risk anything of real value — be it their very lives or their local moonshine vendor’s Netflix login credentials — to oppose this event is preposterous. Continue reading “I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and then I’ll retire to my bedroom and watch porn”

“Stupid is as stupid does” still evades smart people

Remember the scene in Forrest Gump where the title character finally decided to end his impromptu cross-country run, and his band of followers expected him to say something profound? And when he didn’t, they behaved as if he had anyway?

Forrest Gump had a heart of gold, but he was a garden-variety idiot. He was not naturally inclined toward philosophical profundity, but even had he been, he would have found himself incapable of it. His look of perpetual confusion was not an affectation. The only reason people believed he should express deep wisdom is because he was likable, physically gifted, kind, and found himself in a variety of extraordinary situations.

Remember the wisdom of director Robert Zemeckis the next time you or another pundit is trying to parse Donald Trump’s “deeper strategy.” Plenty of people who should know better continue to try to impart far-reaching meanings to his statements and actions, not because a single thing about them invites such an analysis but because he was elected President and must therefore possess some genius qualities, however occult. “A true halfwit could never have made it this far,” some of his detractors protest. (His fans think he’s smart as fuck, but that’s a given.) Continue reading ““Stupid is as stupid does” still evades smart people”

The U.S. President would call himself a giant pussy if he were his own foul twin

The U.S. President is an undisguised coward as well as vindictive and just plain infantile. It’s not enough that he can simply ignore questions reporters ask him, jowls askew in flustered agitation; he has to try to prevent the asking part, too.

This manifests in his schedule of rallies, too. He will only address crowds in abject Trumpist shitholes in places like West Virginia, Tennessee and Montana. These habits, combined with his conducting a “presidency” from behind Twitter, make him no different from every workaday right-wing blogger; they ban, block and delete all dissent, however civil, and can’t even be bothered to bullshit after a certain point — they merely hide.

Hopefully, when he finally kicks it, his unseemly carcass will be placed in a dunking booth filled with piss and shit and people can take turns wandering by and trying to hit the target from a reasonable distance, like ten feet. After every successful dunking, the carcass will be dutifully retrieved and returned to the booth seat for another round. After a few weeks and millions of happy dunkings, the mess and the stench will be sufficient to warrant moving on to the next step: a giant funeral pyre at a Superfund site somewhere in New Jersey.

A novel begging to be written

Last night, I got into it on a friend’s Facebook page with a couple of lost-cause right-wing fuckheads, clearly among the many millions of Americans who simply do not care that the U.S. president is turning out to be as bad or worse than even full-throated cynics realized. These assholes, being simpletons and Bible-boppers, come in one basic flavor. They parrot Fox News talking points that only come from Fox News, but claim, pointlessly, to collect their “info” from a variety of sources; they take great umbrage at not being treated civilly despite providing every imaginable rationale for being insulted in the extreme; and they never, fucking ever read any links you offer or show the slightest sign that they’re in it for any other reason but to make noise, making their pleas for civility even more inane than they would be already.

In response, I started calmly discussing why the U.S. might become a slightly less adversarial place for people with somewhat advanced forebrains if everyone could be reversibly sterilized at birth. I actually do think this would be a good idea, but it’s not something I would personally implement even if given the unique power to do so.

The first thing I usually do when some stranger concludes that I’m legitimately unhinged based on some throwaway Facebook comment is double down and expand on whatever idea I’ve introduced to see how far I can go before the other person recognizes that I’m kidding. Continue reading “A novel begging to be written”

Time to start collecting shitheads

Over 40% of eligible voters sat out the 2016 election. This would be a breathtaking statistic to anyone who hasn’t wandered outside recently and spent a few minutes in the company of typical American citizens. As a rule, we are a complacent, ignorant, and feeble-minded people. We love bullshit and peddlers of false hope like preachers and gurus. I don’t mean this unkindly, but even people who aren’t well off have known too much prosperity to demonstrate any sort of desperation about the government. This is perhaps best exemplified by all of the Obama-hating hillbillies who screamed about the last president being a socialist Muslim but also counted on their food stamps and newfound health insurance finding its way toward them thanks to policies that Democrats, for all of their flaws, support far more robustly than Republicans do.

Right now, I would guess that about 90% of ignorant people who routinely participate in important elections vote Republican. (Note that this is a different proposition than saying that 90% of Republicans are ignorant). Evangelical Christians may be a brainless and vile lot, but they have a certain mindless, insectile persistence when it comes to dragging themselves to the polls, where they reliably and proudly vote for whichever of the two or more people on offer is the bigger asshole and menace. Democrats may enjoy priding themselves on being nuanced and discriminating, but the current shitty state of things is largely attributable to the “Bernie or Bust” and third-party voters who apparently assumed things could only get so bad.
Continue reading “Time to start collecting shitheads”

Unwelcome empathy

“He’ll become presidential when it’s time,” assured an army of gibbering halfwits at the end of 2016, when Donald Trump was behaving like the idiot he always has been and forever will be. “The stupidity is all just an act! You wait and see!”

Here’s where we are a year and a half later. Things are exactly as bad as, or worse than, any objective and learned observer could have predicted. Trump is, if anything, even less intelligent, more temperamental, and more dishonest than he used to be, which makes sense given the stress he’s now under.

The convenient thing about being credulous enough to have ever swallowed such obvious nonsense about Trump’s brainpower and leadership potential is that your Trump excuse bag will never come up empty. Continue reading “Unwelcome empathy”

Longtime anti-gay ministry leader Steve McConkey now targeting blacks, cancer patients, and teenagers

Longtime anti-gay ministry leader Steve McConkey now targeting blacks, cancer patients, and teenagers

Contact: kemibe at gmail dot com

Boulder, Colo., May 23, 2018 /Atheist Newswire/ — Kevin Beck, President of, releases the following and is available for comment:

Steve McConkey, the troubled and unreliable founder of 4 Winds USA of Madison, Wisconsin, has recently expanded his decades-long battle against gays and transgender persons in sports to encompass a variety of athletes, government officials, and other public figures, including ethnic minorities, the recently deceased, teenagers, and persons with terminal illnesses.

In the immediate aftermath of the death of beloved scientist Stephen Hawking in March, McConkey declared on his Facebook page, “Atheist Stephen Hawking is dead. Stephen Hawking is no longer an atheist.”

In an interview on the Tom Roten Morning Show on in September 2017, McConkey said that mixed-race National Football League quarterback Colin Kaepernick, who in 2016 drew attention for his decision to kneel during the playing of the pregame National Anthem to protest police violence against unarmed black Americans, should stand for the flag because owes it to the people who fought in the Civil War “who died for the freedoms of the slaves et cetera.”

When James Cone, a black theologian, died in late April, McConkey called Cone a “Marxist” while linking to his obituary from a second Facebook page, “The Steve Report.” A black conservative Christian radio program, Urban Family Network, recently canceled an appearance with McConkey after learning of some of McConkey’s statements about African-Americans.

In one of many Facebook posts he has since deleted, McConkey wrote in May, “Let me join the bigot club.” has obtained screen captures of this and dozens of other posts McConkey has deleted from the social-media site as well as from his personal 4 Winds page.

McConkey recently asserted that John McCain, he Republican U.S. senator from Arizona who is believed to be terminally ill with a brain tumor and was held for years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, has “helped destroy the USA.” He did not offer specifics other than “No more Rino’s [sic].”

McConkey routinely makes statements that throw the veracity of his Christian standing into question. “I have never met a nice atheist!” he declared to his nearly 5,000 Facebook followers. “Keep judging,” he implored in the same forum.  “Everyone makes judgements [sic] all the time so why should Christians stop.”

Despite having dedicated his life to actively targeting gays and gay rights to the exclusion of gainful employment, McConkey refers to pushback against these efforts as “attacks” and “harassment.” Most of his “news releases” contain multiple statements that can easily be verified as false, such as the claim that Olympic athletes could be sanctioned by the International Olympic Committee for failing to sign a contract that they would not engage in anti-gay rhetoric.

McConkey’s efforts since starting his ministry with his wife Liz in the 1980s have coincided with a period in which gays have made substantial gains and conservative Christianity is experiencing a marked decline in popularity nationwide. Same-sex marriage became legal throughout the U.S. in 2015. Twice as many Americans said they did not believe in God in 2014 compared with the early 1980s, and five times as many said they never prayed.

“Tillerson brought homosexual leaders to the Boy Scouts. Goodbye.” McConkey wrote when the Secretary of State was fired. He has also taken aim at Parkland high-school shooting survivor Emma Gonzales, who is Cuban-American.

The few legitimate Christians aware of McConkey have distanced themselves from or outright decried McConkey’s stance. Said one ordained minister in Denver, Colorado, “People like this concern me because they claim the knowledge of God’s opinions in their views which sometimes results in their doing really dangerous things.”

Let’s start with the illiterate woodchucks

I think that catastrophic levels of psychological projection must be catching.

As I mentioned recently, when Kim Duclos decided to try to help a certain gay-hating Evangelical in his battle to keep me from criticizing the maniacal bullshit he continually flings into cyberspace, it quickly occurred to her to tip off another of my haters, the Granite Grok consortium of perpetually livid right-wingers in New Hampshire, to what was afoot.

It seems like none of these three parties is capable of expressing satisfaction about anyone or anything without their words being a painfully obvious indictment of their own shortcomings.

I have a history with Ed Naile. I don’t blame him for not liking me. He is a muckraker extraordinaire and utterly dishonest in how he conducts himself, and I’ve offered my insights about him a couple of times on this blog. I understand why this has upset him, and why he was quick to seize on the me-vs.-gay-bashing-Evangelical situation when Kim reached out to him. It’s not like him to be remotely concerned with accuracy, so the other day he decided to just fire off a bunch of disjointed words from his addled little forebrain.

Continue reading “Let’s start with the illiterate woodchucks”

A raving homophobe, a shitfaced self-loathing slug, and a couple of illiterate woodchucks walk into a bar

Make that a psychiatric ward. Or a pathological liars’ convention. Or a self-help group for people who need to vent about who’s to blame for their failures in life: Liberals, faggots, people who can function in everyday life without begging or resorting to crude sexual acts, etc.

Wait. In one paragraph, I’ve just described my view of the Internet lately.

Think of this post as the prologue of a novel you would only read if you were bored in an airport and wanted to feel both better about yourself and worse about humanity at the same time. Continue reading “A raving homophobe, a shitfaced self-loathing slug, and a couple of illiterate woodchucks walk into a bar”

I used to think “gun nuts” was unfair. It’s actually an understatement.

When new regulations are proposed in the automotive, airline, agricultural, pharmaceutical industries, you don’t hear widespread yammering that the government or some shadowy cabal of wealthy influence-peddlers is taking steps to completely eliminate car ownership, commercial air travel, prescription or OTC drugs, or small farms.

In my lifetime, cigarette vending machines and TV ads gave been eliminated and the tobacco age raised to 18. At no time has there been a groundswell of squawking about a plan to make cigarettes illegal altogether.

But when it comes to guns, whenever anyone so much as suggests something like “Hey, maybe there should be limits on the number of battle tanks private citizens can own,” the paranoiacs always start screaming at the top of their lungs about this being a clear step in the direction of Stalinism and totalitarianism. Which is funny considering that these same Yosemite Samites practically trip over their long red beards in an effort to fellate totalitarian politicians and the despotic nonsense of conservative Christianity.

The perfect American dystopia

Some people are hopeful that the next U.S. president will be a good one. By that, I assume they mean the opposite of Donald Trump: intelligent rather than blinkered, stable rather than demented, eloquent rather than stammering, and appealing to everyone (inasmuch as this is possible) rather than targeting a segment of the American population whose brains are indistinguishable from those of the proximate common ancestor of Homo sapiens and Pan troglodytes.

I, being spiteful rather than optimistic and convinced by episodes like this that there is no hope at all for sanity to evolve organically in the U.S., disagree. Because I want an entire class of people to be punished for things they can’t help feeling and doing anyway, I’d like to see a president who is in fact exactly like Donald Trump, but with opposite ideological leanings. I want him or her to embody the very things millions of paranoid religious yokels and rage-fueled Yosemite Samites (or is it Samists?) believed were true about Obama and, despite a decade of unfulfilled prophecies about him, still believe.

Here’s a short checklist of things I want the next president to say and do or at least make continual noise about: Continue reading “The perfect American dystopia”

Fuck politeness (or “why I’m not in your group these days”)

For a few years in a previous decade, I used to regularly get into tussles with Evangelicals online. In case you haven’t heard, ECs, who for inexplicable reasons are often regarded as worthy interview subjects, staunchly and habitually attempt to defend indefensible, asinine things about the natural world; there is no point at all in arguing with them other than passing the time and in effect bullying people who flawlessly impersonate special-needs adults and uncontrolled schizophrenics.

Apart from their nonsense claims about geology, biology, and basic reality, they constitute a voting blog notorious throughout modern U.S. history for trying to claim the American moral high ground while keeping a straight face, like a guy who removes an issue of Penthouse with the pages stuck together from under his mattress and claims he’s never even looked at it. They are, of course, no more immune to temptations of the flesh than anyone else, and in fact often wind up in a disproportionate share of sex scandals thanks to the contradictory and unrealistic framework in which they are raised. Whenever you see a male state legislator from a low-information swamp-republic carrying on about the evils of same-sex marriage, you might as well start the countdown to the day he is found in a hotel room with some underage kid’s face in his crotch.
Continue reading “Fuck politeness (or “why I’m not in your group these days”)”

Let’s go out with a bang

This appeared on the Internet recently. It’s a very common trope, and the more reasons that emerge to disbelieve it, the more people like this one dig in their heels and engage unwittingly in intellectual self-abasement.


When someone overdoses on heroin, political leaders and other members of society don’t typically start jabbering about the number of responsible high-seekers who can use opioids safely, or the vast number who take prescription painkillers without selling them to people who then grind them up and snort them, etc. Sure, the government doesn’t actually care about the opioid epidemic at the moment, but no one is actually coming out and saying that drugs aren’t the problem in drug addiction and overdose deaths.
Continue reading “Let’s go out with a bang”

And like that — “poof!” — you’re a cowardly shitbag

Of all the obnoxious things people perpetrate against their friends and more-than-friends — stealing, infidelity, broken promises, and other forms of disloyalty — I think that ghosting is the worst.

For those who don’t know, this just means disappearing from someone’s life without any explanation. It happens plenty on social media between people who aren’t actually friends, which doesn’t count, and it’s a common tactic of potential employers, which is infuriating but also doesn’t fall under the umbrella of what I’m describing here.

I’ve noticed that the correlation between situations I would expect to result in ghosting and the ones that actually do is fairly weak. That is, the few times it’s happened to me, and in the instances on my friends’ lives that I know of, the people who have done it have had far less apparent reason(s) for doing it than various others who have been given every reason to commit a ghosting, but haven’t.

Interestingly, the only three times it has happened to me that I can think of have involved perpetrators from a very small U.S. region. (In one instance, it was actually a welcome thing because the other party was a bucket case with nothing to offer me or anyone else besides static and nonsense.) This place may be the Iten Province of ghosting; this wouldn’t surprise me, since anyone who’s been near it, from apocalyptic warmongers to noble civic leaders, would cheerfully agree that continuously shelling this locale for about a week straight would improve its overall profile and that of the U.S. and humankind overall.

Guns really are dicks, or something like that

About half of gun owners say that having a gun is either a very important or somewhat important part of their identity.

Think about that. How many of you can point to a single material possession you think defines you in any way? You might say “My car” or even “My college degree” (with the latter obviously symbolizing an experience rather than standing as a “possession” in the usual sense). But what sort of person actually associates a weapon, or any one object, with a strong sense of self?

Apparently, millions of people who own guns do Continue reading “Guns really are dicks, or something like that”

The gushing sewer pipe in the middle of Bill O’Reilly’s face

In the aftermath of the school shooting in Parkland, Florida, the right-wing media has advanced two ideas about the students who survived it and are speaking publicly about it: they’re too young and emotionally distraught to have valid opinions on the issue of gun control, yet at the same time they’re savvy operators being coached or even paid by liberals to parade themselves in front of the cameras and therefore cannot be trusted on the matter gun control.

Either way, the message is the same: “Don’t engage these silly kids on this issue.”


I’m not going to claim that I ever endured anything remotely resembling what these students did. But as a high-school sophomore in December 1985, I was, in fact, present for a school shooting at a time when those were extremely rare (the lone fatality was the shotgun-toting former student himself). And one month later, a teacher at my high school was killed on national television along with six others in a space-shuttle mishap while virtually all of us, from the superintendent of schools to the cafeteria ladies, watched. I saw my teachers and other adults on the scene sobbing and wandering the hallways in shock, no better prepared to handle this unexpected plot twist than any of us kids were;  this collective breakdown was itself an unreal tableau.

I would say that counts as trauma by any reasonable standard. And it didn’t mean our brains were hobbled.

When you’re a teenager, no matter how skeptical and scornful you might be toward your elders — especially teachers and parents — at some level, you tend to believe that they are better or stronger than you, or at least immune to crippling fits of emotion. That’s how it was in the 1980s, anyway, and it was still true in 2001, as I saw during the 9/11 attacks. You tend to think that only obvious psychopaths like Jeffrey Dahmer are ruined grown-ups, and you tell yourself you’ll never confront such monsters anyway.

As a result, I cannot imagine how appalled I would have been in the wake of Challenger disaster to see a supposed adult – a news figure, no less, or at least a flapping  face on a TV screen — attempt to delegitimize my and my classmates’ ideas and feelings by declaring, in effect, “Whatever those Concord High kids are saying about the space program, NASA, Morton Thiokol — they’re not reliable commentators on any of it.” Sure, we were kids, but a lot of is were already a fuck of a lot more on the ball and worth listening to out there than at least half of the adults in this country.

But we didn’t know it. In those days, there was no national-scale media-propaganda outlet set aside especially for stupid and insane people, as there is now. Carnival-barker media figures like O’Reilly, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, and every other squint-eyed piece of shit out there didn’t exist except in their ugly formative stages. Unfortunately, the sort of ignorant, resentful, incompetent mouth-breathing, Bible-banging bumpkins did, and they were an untapped market, unknowingly waited for a series of wrinkly peckers to metaphorically (in most cases) fellate (or worse).

Anyone suggesting that the kids in Parkland have an emotional stake in  what they’re saying is absolutely correct. But trying to say this doesn’t matter is both obviously stupid and cruel. And people like Bill O’Reilly know it.

Also, my inclusion of that response from Shannon Moore, whoever she is (“a witch in search of her hat” is my first guess) was no accident. Despite being a simpleton, this “Christian” — who on her profile at least has the honesty to refer to herself as an aspiring writer,  which makes sense given the wealth of basic grammatical and factual errors on her shitblog —  is among the many amateur conserva-pundits pretending as though a handful of young people eating detergent constitutes a generation-wide phenomenon. Millions of howling rednecks, most of them older Americans like Shannon Moore, believe the crap spraying from the face-anuses of O’Reilly and Donald Trump every day, and most of them are “Christians” who think the cheerleader-fondling Roy Moore should have been elected because party loyalty. I’d say the latter peer group constitutes a greater danger to society than the former one does. Fortunately, they’re older and will die fairly soon, although not soon enough, the damage they’ve done will live on even as their bloated corpses rot unpretentiously away, the charred imaginary souls within destined for a Hell that unfortunately is as much of a lie as the rest of the nonsense these syphilitic twats believe.

If Trump were serious about an infrastructure overhaul, he would find a way to permanently plug the gushing sewer pipes extending from the faces of O’Reilly, Hannity, Carlson, Laura Ingraham, Dana Loesch, and of course himself and the various misbred proto-hominid life forms in his own family. He would find a way to detoxify the source of these messes, so whatever later emerged into the restored face-conduits was less obviously wrongheaded and inflammatory.

What next? Vaccines don’t really cause autism?

HOLY SHIT! No U.S.-Mexico border wall is forthcoming after all, and Mexico was never going to pay for it anyway.

This is a stunner, like the idea going around that the Holocaust is a historical event and that the Apollo missions unfolded exactly as the official record describes.

I have mentioned a few times that I’ve lost a scattering of Facebook friends since the 2016 campaign started, which doesn’t bother me, and a couple of actual friends, which of course does. I did not cut off the other people or browbeat them personally over their voting choices, and would never weigh politics more heavily than real friendship, unless, of course, there was simply no way to establish a meaningful barrier between the two. Continue reading “What next? Vaccines don’t really cause autism?”

Don’t blame public schools for poor substrate and losing ideological battles

When people refer to a failure of the public school system, what they really mean — often unknowingly, because humans are excellent at not knowing things — is a failure of biology combined with a perverse and resounding success of large-scale tribalism.

9ae2616cf9cd4d27e2ce01e15bd72516I would love to believe that the “It’s 9 degrees outside! Explain that, global warming cultists!” cry that Fox News-dependent primates unfurl every winter is meant as a joke, and that the loudest voices in this off-key yahoo chorus are merely sowing doubt for the sake of political leverage. But in fact, when one visits the comment sections of Fox News (sometimes I get lost), one quickly realizes that huge swaths of the population really do not grasp the notion of — among countless other climate-related concepts — local cooling as a consequence of general warming. It really isn’t that hard to understand, for example, that as polar ice melts, this has effects on atmospheric circulation that can push especially cold air from the Arctic into lower, but still cool, latitudes — say, where Boston and Minneapolis sit.

But people are not machines, and they need to be engaged in what they are being taught to grasp non-intuitive scientific concepts like the one I just outlined. I can think of a number of things I came to understand only after poring over the material numerous times, something I did only because I was highly motivated to learn them and, importantly, not encumbered by cultural reasons to reject them.

When a kid from an Evangelical household in the Bumpkin Belt who passes through his K-12 years and emerges scarcely less ignorant about certain things than he started, it’s probably not primarily the fault of any of the well-meaning teachers he may have had. It’s most likely because he belongs to a tribe that requires him to mightily reject certain concepts, no matter how sensible these appear to kids of a similar age not poisoned by extremely tenacious religious and political dogma. These kids look for all the world like basic morons, but even the smarter ones are capable of sounding no more informed than a typical house plant when it comes to things like evolution and the age of the cosmos, because their parents have inculcated hopelessly fucked-up ideas into their heads.

Now, if people were actually intelligent by some external and reliable standard, we might be better at absorbing and accepting facts. But really, humans are only smart because we’re the best of a weak and pitiful Earthly lot. If I stumbled into a basketball game among pre-schoolers, I am pretty sure I could absolutely annihilate any five-member team the kids could throw together all by myself, especially as soon as I figured out how to get away with vicious flagrant fouls. But this would not offer a valid reason for proclaiming myself a basketball star. We humans might be fairly smart compared to the rest of the animals on our own planet, but compare what even the greatest of humankind’s feeble minds are capable of in relation to even the most virus-riddled CPU from the 1980s, and it’s far more lopsided than “no contest.”

I could spend a lot of time emphasizing where the political left screws up in these areas, too, but I’m trying to offload the least loyal friends I have before moving on to the ones I’m less eager to offend. It’s also a lot easier in this political ecosystem to see where folks normally associated with the right frantically fist-fuck so many basic and seemingly undeniable concepts into unrecognizability. None of those poor waddling souls are aware that Fox News is nothing more than long, slow, non-pharmacological lethal injection that erodes whatever higher cognitive functions they once may have possessed, leaving them only with the capacity to feed themselves and make sojourns to secure groceries, watch stock-car races, and vote for the kinds of people who make the permanent “news” haze seem even more rewarding.

So, while shitty teachers abound just as incompetent workers populate almost every occupation with aplomb, trying to blame the public-school system for the reason so many people grow up making all the sense of farm animals equipped with goat-thought-to-speech devices is wrongheaded, and is a facile argument made by shitpile-hominid hybrids like Betsy DeVos so they can promote even bleaker collective intellects than the one in which all of us sad sacks are continually drowning.

People are dumb and hapless. I am, you are, and most people both of us know are probably even worse off. Life is a thankless task none of us asked to undertake, and the practices we adopt to stave off ennui and misery often make things worse. We are fucked in the head, so it only stands to reason that any solutions we create are bound to magnify the problems. We create tribes filled with, and invariably led by, monumentally ignorant noisy motherfuckers whose ability to maintain a veneer of superior intelligence in the eyes of the deluded is their only real cognitive accomplishment. Blaming schools for the collective intellectual ruin of our citizenry is like blaming aeronautical engineers when a hijacked plane is crashed into a building. We’re a bunch of fucking idiots who gather in groups to jabber, fornicate, and use drugs so it doesn’t seem so bad, and creating enemies of each other is just one more tonic for this sad party.

(You can probably understand why the notion of a global thermonuclear war fails to trouble me much.)